Tag: Work

Let go

7:26am I realize a lot of my stress comes from owning problems. The census at work being down bothers me. but I refuse to own it. It is a problem I am working to address. There are many areas that need improving. That is one of theme. I will come up with a plan and fix it like I do everything else. I will not allow myself to be run off. Or to give up. I am the captain. I am the leader for the entire voyage.

Closing

6:17pm I am fascinated by the internal switch flip that allows someone to be a successful closer. It is the confidence to sell a product/service then have then take it away just enough. The subtle pull back switches someone from logically needing to emotionally wanting. it is “setting the hook.” Waiting for the right moment. the bait is in the mouth. When do you flip the wrist and reel em in?

Funk

3:51pm went to the facility to get the contract signed. The administrator wasn’t there. Talked to a nurse. She was rude and wouldn’t sign the form. A nice cap to an emotional week. The last three weeks have been a downer. I am in a funk. I don’t feel optimistic.

Sink or swim

12:45pm I have been doing this stupid process for almost 12 years. I thought I could develop better habits. That I would learn to swim by putting myself in situations that necessitated change. Instead of swimming I just continually sink. I am a weird fucker. Good enough to get decent paying jobs but not good enough to succeed in them. My only hope is to get in a successful situation and be a part of it as long as possible. This site was a dog before I took it over. I was ignorant thinking I could save it. Of course I was even more desperate for a job/income than I was arrogant about my abilities. Now the situation is set. I am committed to doing my best. Turning it around. Making it successful. I can’t guarantee I will succeed but I will do my best. Even if that means getting out of my head and interacting with the world

Seeker

5:29am will I spend my whole life being who I am, striving to be what I am not? I am a seeker. I meet people where they are. I validate others. But those traits don’t make money. They don’t make me “successful.” I work jobs that do not reward who I am. I try to be different but fail. Then I try again. And again. I can’t stay put. I am not allowed to stay put. I can’t change. I am who I am.

Change

7:02pm I know many people that changed because of the pandemic, lockdown. They don’t see the point of working long hours, going to the office. I am the opposite. I used to value making my own schedule. My freedom at work. My alone time when I wasn’t working. A year ago I couldn’t envision spending ten hours a day in an office. Now I like it. I changed but in true me fashion I changed the opposite of everyone else.

Mental gymnastics

8:49am I do mental gymnastics when work isn’t going well. I have to do an honest assessment of my performance. I have to compare it to previous experiences. I have to get better while protecting my ego. I am the only me I have. I have to make alternate plans if the situation ends. I have to turn it around. I have to identify and overcome barriers. The assessing, fixing and protecting are exhaustive.

Moments

6:05am this week is a moment with my family. This year, Arizona, is a moment. It won’t last forever. I don’t want it to last a long time. The first half of 2021 was getting out here, getting my life in place. Now the next half is living the experience. The past is gone. On Thursday I work for a new company. I got change without even having to look for it. I am dialed in for six months.