Disappointment

10:55am I went back and read old posts. One of them mentioned how I wanted to do good at this job. Help my boss be successful. I also said I was afraid I would fail and disappoint. Four months later I feel I have. Census is down. Revenue is down. Confidence is lost. There are factors beyond me but I still am responsible. I failed

Tmi

8:13pm I didn’t sit in my office chair very often today at work. The constipation was a little better. Sitting in the chair + Arizona heat is too much. Side note: work SUCKS. Not for usual reasons like previous nine jobs. I am sick of the ineptitude of my team and the entitlement of our referral sources. I need a vacation

Frustrated with team

5:47am after a good start to the week I had an anxiety attack yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t associated any event. I just went to work after lunch and was in a terrible mood. I don’t want to own negative energy. I am frustrated with the performance of my team. As a leader I need to improve their performance or replace them. I am not doing my job by allowing it to continue

Extreme Grouchy

2:08pm at the office. I got into an extremely grouchy mood all of the sudden. I locked myself in my office at work. I probably shouldn’t interact with people. I am in a bad mood

Work /Life balance

5:17am Monday. I am truly happy. I have balance in my life. I enjoy my free time. I work hard on days I work. I disengage and relax when I am not at work. I look forward to my future. I appreciate all I have. When I moved to Arizona everything was about work. I focused on my job. Now I can do well at work and enjoy life. I have found who I am as a worker. A parent. A husband. A son.

Figure out Sunday

4:32pm I have figured out Sunday. Which is huge. The secret is not to think about work at all. To not think ahead even a second. To just be in the moment. I have a future I look forward to. I am here. Now. I am happy.

Palm desert

9:31am made it to palm desert. Enjoying the drive. Memories of being a sales leader for skilled nursing. I realize I don’t say much about that. The memories are not on par with being the chaplain but it is the second most valued work experience. I traveled around California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona. Also went to Ohio, Michigan, Washington, Colorado for that job. Palm desert was one of my buildings. I stayed here often. Feels comfortable.

Overdrive lost

9:17am Wednesday at work. For the last week i have lacked energy. I don’t feel sick. Just that extra gear is missing. I don’t have overdrive. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand I miss the energy. On the other I am happy to quit obsessing. I need to do my job without burning out

improve

5:55am yesterday was difficult at work. After a nights sleep I realize as the leader we will use the experience to get better. We will improve. It is the opportunity to reach the next level. Change does not happen without pain.

New perspectives

5:42am Friday. There are many ways I looked at life events the past 14 years that have been negative. I could not appreciate what I had because I grieved other things that I had lost. Moving to Arizona has changed my perspective. I am more focused on work. I have an identity as a boss, leader, captain. I have a healthier understanding of relationships. I appreciate being a parent. I am in a happy place. I am blessed. I am thankful for personal growth. I am thankful for the release of emotional frustration.