Self assessment

8:27am in my office at work. I was talking to myself on the walk this morning. A couple of realizations. 1. I don’t know if I loved being a chaplain because of the work or because I had stability. 2. I don’t know if I liked the job of being a chaplain or that I could excel only working part time. 3. I have had opportunities to go back to being a chaplain. If I really want it why haven’t I made the change?

Better

4:12pm the day got better. I did the presentation I had been working on. It went well. Now is the moment of truth. Implementing the plan. Then replicating and scaling.

Change

7:02pm I know many people that changed because of the pandemic, lockdown. They don’t see the point of working long hours, going to the office. I am the opposite. I used to value making my own schedule. My freedom at work. My alone time when I wasn’t working. A year ago I couldn’t envision spending ten hours a day in an office. Now I like it. I changed but in true me fashion I changed the opposite of everyone else.

improve

5:55am yesterday was difficult at work. After a nights sleep I realize as the leader we will use the experience to get better. We will improve. It is the opportunity to reach the next level. Change does not happen without pain.

On trial

I am kind of having a crisis of identity. I notice I write these posts on Monday mornings. I am working sales but I hate going to sales meetings with nothing to show for it. On trial and failure. I guess everyone would do it if it were easy?

I feel anxiety gripping my throat. I can’t breathe. I can’t move forward and get a ‘win.’ I can’t let go and accept defeat. I put myself in this situation thinking it was sink or swim. Who knew there was a third option. Just get ground down. I hate doing sales when there are no sales.

Purgatory

I am in purgatory. I left jobs that paid my bills because I didn’t want to accept discomfort. I decided I could make more doing something I enjoyed.

Now I deal with the discomfort working a job that doesn’t cover my expenses and no clear path to rectify the situation. In trying to have the best of both worlds I ended up with the worst.

Objective mechanism

Objective = $200,000 annual

The objective could be ANYTHING but without a mechanism I cannot achieve it.

I have drive and focus.

I discovered them working to achieve a sales quota at a job I am working.

But the position I am in will not deliver the objective.

Or will it?

I could exceed my quota. Move up in the company, continue to be successful, move up until I run the company. That would achieve the objective.