5:47am, in parking lot, Laguna Niguel, California, Sunday morning, March 27, 2022. The dog and I are in the car outside a random office building in Laguna Niguel. We are killing time because the coffee shop up the street doesn’t open until 6am. It is so quiet at this time of day. The sky is dark, birds are singing and there aren’t any other people around. We are here because we got up earlier than usual this morning, which, in a way, was my fault. I fell asleep early, which made her last bathroom break just before 8pm. By 3:30am she whined to be let out of the kennel so I got up and got dressed for our morning walk. The fact is I was already awake at 3:30am because I was thinking about work. The month of April is going to suck. There is too much left undone, financials that look terrible and, in a couple of weeks, a mock survey which will create thousand more things to worry about. I am not giving up but, right now I am starting to feel, one way or the other, I won’t be captaining this particular ship very much longer.
Author: mikemeyer949
What happened Saturday
5:30am, Sunday morning, March 27, 2022. Left Arizona at 5am Saturday morning and headed west. First stop, Blythe, California. After a quick bathroom break I was back on the road making good time. Just outside Palm Desert my daughters mom called. She is having issues with her car and needs to buy something new. She also needed toilet paper so I picked some up on the way into town. I made it to Dana Point at 11:30am. An hour later my daughter and I went to the post office to mail a package and pick up the mail. Then we got lunch and hit the mall, but we didn’t buy anything. Once we got home we started playing a video game and did that the rest of the night.
Doing what needs to be done
5:30am*, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday morning, March 26, 2022. (This is the first time I am using the scheduled post option. Actual writing time is 6:30pm, Friday, March 25, 2022. If all goes well I should be on the road to Orange County by 5:30am tomorrow morning. But I wanted to schedule this post because I believe consistently delivering at a regular time, first thing in the morning, is beneficial to you, the reader. It sets clear expectations of when you will see a post from me and that creates more of a mutually beneficial connection between us. Or so I hope. Either way, you can definitely tell I went to sales training this week.) The sales manager came to my office yesterday afternoon to discuss our second quarter marketing plan. I blocked out one hour for the session, but it ended up lasting four. I didn’t want to spend that much time working on marketing but, there isn’t much choice anymore; revenue is down and financials must improve. So many people above and below us depend on this site to be successful. We can’t let them down. Personally, this represents a completely new level of understanding; prior to this, the only person I ever cared about was me. As a result, I repeatedly struggled as a leader, a husband and a parent. I never truly embraced any role with heightened responsibility because I was scared of failure. I shied away from commitment to avoid being rejected. I lived a life of constant upheaval, skipping out on dedication because of fear. Well, I am not scared any more. I accept the situation and will do what needs to be done to succeed.
So anything is possible
5:26am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Friday morning, March 25, 2022. The corporate training session ended yesterday at 3pm. Instead of going to the office I grabbed a couple beers on the way home, took a nap then watched basketball. The evening was relaxing. I got to call my mom (she was driving to Salt Lake City), see what is going on in the news and enjoy the games. Now it is time to bear down and catch up on work. There are so many tasks piled up I can’t get them all done right away. I will go into the office at 8am and get as much done as I can. At least it is Friday, so I only have to work one day before the weekend. Tomorrow I will go to Orange County and spend time with my daughter. We haven’t made any definitive plans but the weather will be nice so anything is possible.
Another morning tomorrow
5:29am, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, March 24, 2022. If everything about my time in Arizona was to end tomorrow I would miss mornings the most; going for a walk in the neighboring subdivision, listening to 80’s Hair metal and watching sports talk television while working out, then coming back to the apartment to catch the weather and drink coffee. What I do at my job is in many ways irrelevant to my memories. It is just something I do to take up 10 hours of time so I can get one step closer to another morning tomorrow.
Focusing on something, anything else
5:34am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Wednesday morning, March 23, 2022. Yesterday’s training ran right up to 5pm, followed by a team building dinner in Tempe. It was after 9pm when I finally walked in the door, got ready for bed and fell asleep. To conserve energy, I skipped this morning’s early walk and gym workout. The training resumes at 8am today, so no lazy morning routine like yesterday. My daughter called last night. I talked to her while at the restaurant waiting for our food order to be served. She hasn’t called or responded to texts lately so I was thankful to hear from her. She wanted to discuss anime and a new figurine she got. I have to admit, her excitement is contagious. She has me looking for figurines I want to buy for myself! I know I said this yesterday but, it is so nice to be out of the office and focusing on something, anything, else.
Good morning Phoenix
5:39am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday morning, March 22, 2022. The company is holding a three day sales training at a hotel by the airport in Phoenix this week. It starts this morning at 9:30am. They had a couple of extra spots available and offered them to directors. When I agreed to go I mistakenly thought it was just for one day. When I realized the truth I began to feel stress. Being out of the office three days would put me even further behind. But now that the time has arrived, I am grateful. Since the training starts later, my morning is not rushed. I am going to read a little longer, have an extra cup of coffee and listen to some music. It feels so good to know I don’t have to go to the office. My already late tasks may back up more but, a change in perspective is very much appreciated.
Not much going on, I got a haircut
6:02am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, March 21, 2022. The drive to Arizona yesterday was exhausting. I left Orange County a quarter after eleven, stopped for gas and a quick haircut (the first in over two years, my daughters mom has been cutting my hair since March of 2020), then was on the road by noon. I noticed yesterday morning the East bound interstate was closed for construction around Glendale (Arizona) so I factored in extra drive time. However, about sixty miles from Phoenix, GPS started adding large chunks of time. Apparently, in addition to construction, a major accident was backing traffic up significantly. The result was a long, slow, detour through crowded industrial areas on the west side of Phoenix. By the time I walked in the door of the apartment at 6:30pm I was tired and cranky. I let everyone know I arrived safely before eating dinner and going to bed. Now it is time to get ready for another week of work.
Learning a hard lesson
7:04am, apartment in Dana Point, California, Sunday morning, March 20, 2022. The first talk of job cuts happened Friday afternoon. I called my supervisor regarding another matter but she brought up the hard truth instead. I understand. Things are not going well and there isn’t a quick fix on the horizon. The situation is beyond frustrating for everyone involved. I personally feel incapacitated, like watching a slow motion disaster unfold; I can see the horror happening, but am helpless to stop it. In the past, I focused on what that meant to me; loss of direct income, family instability, bruising of personal pride. But today is different. Today I feel I let down those that depend on the businesses success to care for their families and sustain households. It is a crushing weight to bear and I feel every ounce of it. I am learning a hard lesson; there is no nobility in failure. Merely trying is not enough. I need to get better, improve my skills, or I am of no value to anyone else.
At the height of our love
3:15pm, at a car wash in Laguna Hills, California, Saturday afternoon, March 19, 2022. My daughters mom was having a hard morning dealing with the chaos from last nights sleepover so when I got to Dana Point I took the girls to get drinks at the local coffee shop before getting lunch. After the friend went home my daughter and I came to the car wash for a long overdo vehicle cleaning. Once the car is done we will go to the apartment and watch anime the rest of the evening. Last night at the pet store the cashier complimented my tattoo. I was kind of surprised because no one has noticed it for a long time. So long that sometimes I forget it is there, even though it takes up all my upper arm. I didn’t think much of the exchange until today an employee at the coffee shop also complimented me on the tattoo. It has been over eleven years since I got it, a testament to the love the WIL and I shared so many years ago. This week has held many flashbacks of my time in Utah, none more powerful than remembering the WIL and who we were at the height of our love.
mikemeyer949 