April 23, 2024, Tuesday afternoon, 5:12pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield,California,USA. I told my business development counterpart I was feeling fried today. She said the same thing. Too many demands from too many places. It was a long day. Lots of meetings and reports. Tomorrow is filled with more meetings. After that it should slow down until The region president visits next week. I have some slides to prepare but I am going to hold off until morning. I don’t have the energy to grind any more today.

April 21-22, 2024, Sunday-Monday evening, 6:28pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California,USA. I took care of maintenance on my work car Sunday. Got the oil changed, washed the exterior and filled it up with gas. I also got a haircut yesterday. This afternoon I drove to Bakersfield to meet with staff and complete reports. The branch has been having some issues and I wanted to support the Director. The next two days will be busy. Lots of things to prep for and present. At least being preoccupied with work leaves less time for existential reflection. I kind of over did it in Arizona last week. Physically and mentally. No more nostalgia trips for a while.

April 20, 2024, Saturday night, 11:07pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. Went and saw one of my daughters friends in a high school production of Footloose, The Musical. It was pretty entertaining. Even though performance ran long I am glad we went. The friend and her parents are moving to South Carolina at the end of summer. we won’t have many more opportunities to get together.

April 19, 2024, Friday night, 7:53pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. I am not feeling it at work any more. I don’t have the edge. I am less stressed over day to day needs but feel guilty that I am not pulling my weight. Not sure what to think. This last week it became clear out of the four area leaders I am the most qualified. Which means there is not the usual threat of losing my job. That is a darkness I have known far too many times. The real threat is my internal voice sabotaging my career before I get started. I need to calm down and take one day at a time.

April 17-18, 2024, Wednesday/Thursday morning, 2:25am, pacific standard time, hotel in Chandler, Arizona,USA. I am aware of the posts I never write. The thoughts, memories, observances and experiences I fail to capture. Yesterday was the two year anniversary of a cherished vacation. I thought about reminiscing but didn’t. Later, a colleague at work threw out a comment about leaving the stress of her job behind and becoming a florist. I wanted to write about my own release valve from stress, going back to being a Chaplain, but I just couldn’t find the time. Finally, I thought of an analogy about my past Arizona experience being like a favorite book I return to read time and again but the thought was quickly dismissed. I am emotionally exhausted from nostalgia overload. Right now it is early Thursday morning. I am going to get up soon, go for a walk, exercise at the hotel gym, then get on the road back to California. I don’t know when I will return to Arizona. This has been a good trip. My work meetings went well, I saw old friends and visited the landmarks I wanted to see. Now it is time to say goodbye one more time and return to the life waiting for me back home.

April 16, 2024, Tuesday night, 8:44pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Scottsdale, Arizona,USA. Turns out I didn’t need to change hotels. When they announced the meeting last month it sounded like we would be staying close to the office. Instead, the meeting and dinner were in Gilbert and the hotel is 25 minutes away in Scottsdale. It would have been easier to stay another night in Chandler. But I am kind of glad it worked out this way. The hotel is a nice one in old town Scottsdale and staying in a different city gives me a new perspective on Arizona. I was overdoing it on nostalgia the last couple days in Chandler and needed a different experience.

April 15, 2024, Monday afternoon, 2:24pm, pacific standard time, outside old office in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. Had a good time with my friend last night. Got up a little late and went for my usual Arizona walk followed by a workout at the hotel gym. The phone started ringing at 8:am and has barely stopped. Seems like a lot of people are punchy at work this week. This afternoon I went to a planet fitness in Chandler to see if it would be better for workouts while I am out here. It wasn’t very big and not very impressive. I might not bother trying and just stick with the hotel gym. After that I went back to the hotel and changed. Now I am driving around, visiting familiar haunts and planning what I am going to have for dinner.

April 14, 2024, Sunday afternoon, 3:35pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Chandler, Arizona, USA. Made it to Arizona an hour ago. It is somewhat surreal to be back. When I visited last July/august I was only 4 months removed from moving. Everything felt familiar. Now it has been over a year since I moved. It is nice to see the area again but there is a sense life has moved on without me. It is probably just Sunday afternoon blues making things more emotional. I am going to go to dinner at 5pm and enjoy the rest of my evening. I am sure as the week goes on I will feel happier.

April 12/13, 2024, Friday/Saturday morning 9:53am, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I am looking forward to my trip to Arizona tomorrow. I have made plans with friends, grabbed supplies and now getting ready to pack. I want to leave relatively early and get there by afternoon. It feels so good to be visiting a place that means so much to me. I want to do and see as much as I can while I am there.

April 10/11, Wednesday/Thursday afternoon, 2:55pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. I have been forgetting to post lately. Time to catch up. Yesterday I drove to Palm Desert from San Bernardino for an employees baby shower. On the way back I stopped in Beaumont to meet a friend for drinks. This morning I got up early, exercised, then headed back to Orange County. My mind has been focused on returning to Arizona next week. I want this week to end so I can get on the road and be back in familiar places. I reached out to a friend I haven’t seen for sometime (over a year). We are going to get together Sunday night in Chandler. After that I have Monday to myself and then meetings Tuesday and Wednesday. I am going to stay Wednesday night and try and see another friend while I am out there. It will be so nice to be back in Arizona.