January 21,22, 2025, Tuesday, Wednesday morning 9:20am, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California,USA. Went to dinner last night with the Costa Mesa crew. We went to the water grill. Very good seafood. It seemed to go alright. I am going to meet with the senior Vice President next Tuesday. This has been a long process. Mostly because they don’t officially have an opening in Orange County. Rather, they are moving the Orange County Director to rancho and then I will take his place. From their perspective I understand the pace. From my view it is harder. One, I am not getting paid and two, I have too much time to ponder existential questions. To paraphrase Camus; in the end. There is not escaping the machine. On a personal note, I stayed in aliso last night with my daughter and the dog while her mom is in Georgia for work. I will spend the next two nights here as well. Picture is sunrise in Aliso.

January 20, 2025, Monday morning, 10:54am, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. For as long as I can remember I have been on a quest for assured confidence in all life’s endeavors. I sought out, learned and practiced various strategies specifically aimed at increasing my conviction. The goal being to overcome negative thoughts and subsequently be more successful. Yet, with honest reflection, those intruders are more likely self-imposed obstacles to heighten the fear of failure. In short, I subconsciously undercut my confidence to increase risk and get a high. I noticed this as I keep practicing guitar and continue to gain more confidence. With the guitar my mind goes to a different pathway rather than the same frustrating fear. I can isolate the negative thoughts and choose a new perspective. This time off will be remembered for finding a great new mindset and enjoying playing music again.

January 19,2025, Sunday afternoon, 4:28pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Yesterday my daughters mom talked about moving. Not sure how serious she is but economically it would make sense. That made the day rather nostalgic. I would miss Aliso viejo and that area if they moved. I took the dog for a walk this afternoon and tried to savor the moment, knowing at any time change can come. Picture taken off of Cedarbrook, looking back at a complex called The Villas.

January 18, 2025, Saturday night, 9:22pm,pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Not a bad day. Walked, worked out, took the dog for a walk then came home and watched football. Played a lot of guitar. Right now I am building out my song list. Red River valley, every rose has its thorn, good riddance, don’t look back in anger, possibly landslide . Photo off of blue lantern at sunrise

January 17, 2025, Friday night, 6:22pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. 26 years ago I was 26 years old and and was ordained as a Christian minister. I had just started my first “grown up” job at the Wyoming State Hospital two weeks prior. Life was just beginning and endless possibilities abound. Now, a lifetime has passed since that day. The years go by so fast now. I can’t believe how quickly days, weeks and months peel away.

January 16, 2025, Thursday night, 8:03pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Had another call with the Colorado/Oklahoma group today. I am over qualified for the job but I did enjoy the conversation. I am happy to say I have regained my confidence. playing the guitar has been the key to that. When I play guitar I am a much better singer. That is because I am I focused on playing the chords correctly rather than singing. Applying that to interviewing, when I am not worried about saying the right thing I am more relaxed. The two interviews I had yesterday and today I thought about playing the guitar during the conversation. That made me more come off much more natural and subsequently confident. I am now eager to talk to people and use my new mindset.

January 15, 2025, Wednesday morning, 4:46am, pacific standard time, gym parking lot, Laguna Niguel,California, USA. I am an optimistic and positive person. This morning I woke up early and remembered how into positive mindset/motivational quotes I was not too long ago. I am eager to get back to being that focused. Looking back on 2024 two things stood out. One, my job started to become stale. It wasn’t exciting or rewarding any more. That made me feel bored. And Two, after I was laid off, not having a job made me feel vulnerable. Those experiences, with lots of alone time to dwell on them, allowed non-positive thoughts to enter my mind space. The key takeaway; I didn’t change, get old not unmotivated. Rather, circumstances became challenging and I need to rise up to meet the challenge as the strong, vibrant person I am.

January 14,2025, Tuesday evening, 6:11pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I ironed the last of my new shirts this morning. Before I even truly got started the iron stopped gliding. In an instant a hole opened in the front bottom left panel. Mind you, the garment didn’t burn. Rather, it melted like cheap plastic. This is the sixth shirt I got from this company. Needless to say I am disappointed. The first one had a good fit and feel. Based on that experience I ordered four more with a fifth shirt added for free. However when they arrived none of shirts had the same fabric or feel as the first. Be that as it may, I successfully ironed all the other shirts. For this to happen is beyond bizarre. I am going to contact the company but I don’t expect much remedy. I will take the ‘L’ and never buy from them again.

January 13,2025, Monday morning, 7:18am, pacific standard time,apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I have an interview at 11am. The pay doesn’t meet my needs and the job is in Los Angeles so expectations aren’t particularly high. Nonetheless, it is nice to have something lined up. I am eager for a new adventure. This moment in my life feels like the anticipated end stage. I made my money and paid my dues. Work is for excitement rather than necessity. I am not planning long term or looking too far ahead. Rather, I accept whatever path I am on and will go from there.

January 11,12, 2025, Saturday,Sunday morning, 2:05am, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Spent most of the day at home save for a trip to the grocery store and later to the gym. After that I Watched playoff football and played the guitar. I am starting to feel better. I will take it easy today (Sunday) then be ready for a busy week to come.