April 26-27, 2024, Saturday afternoon, 1:58pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. I have been having health issues the past couple weeks. The pain in my diaphragm area is getting more persistent. I feel if I remove myself from stress it would resolve but I don’t know how to do that without altering my entire way of life. I guess I have no choice but to work until something terrible happens. This is so unfortunate. I actually like my job but the grind is destroying me. I can’t keep up this pace.

April 25, 2024, Thursday night, 8:00pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California, USA. Went to a volunteer breakfast in Bakersfield this morning and met a friend for drinks in Buena Park this afternoon. I got back to Dana Point just after 5:30pm. I watched some of the NFL draft and texted with friends. Now I am going to read and go to bed so I can take my daughter to school in the morning.

April 24, 2024, Wednesday evening, 6:29pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California, USA. Finished all my stressful meetings today at round noon. Then I went to the Bakersfield branch before returning back to the hotel. Had dinner then called my mom to catch up on the latest news from wyoming. Not much happening but it was good to hear her voice. I feel much more relaxed. It has been a long week already. I look forward to going to bed and having a good nights sleep.

April 23, 2024, Tuesday afternoon, 5:12pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield,California,USA. I told my business development counterpart I was feeling fried today. She said the same thing. Too many demands from too many places. It was a long day. Lots of meetings and reports. Tomorrow is filled with more meetings. After that it should slow down until The region president visits next week. I have some slides to prepare but I am going to hold off until morning. I don’t have the energy to grind any more today.

April 21-22, 2024, Sunday-Monday evening, 6:28pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California,USA. I took care of maintenance on my work car Sunday. Got the oil changed, washed the exterior and filled it up with gas. I also got a haircut yesterday. This afternoon I drove to Bakersfield to meet with staff and complete reports. The branch has been having some issues and I wanted to support the Director. The next two days will be busy. Lots of things to prep for and present. At least being preoccupied with work leaves less time for existential reflection. I kind of over did it in Arizona last week. Physically and mentally. No more nostalgia trips for a while.

April 20, 2024, Saturday night, 11:07pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. Went and saw one of my daughters friends in a high school production of Footloose, The Musical. It was pretty entertaining. Even though performance ran long I am glad we went. The friend and her parents are moving to South Carolina at the end of summer. we won’t have many more opportunities to get together.

April 19, 2024, Friday night, 7:53pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California,USA. I am not feeling it at work any more. I don’t have the edge. I am less stressed over day to day needs but feel guilty that I am not pulling my weight. Not sure what to think. This last week it became clear out of the four area leaders I am the most qualified. Which means there is not the usual threat of losing my job. That is a darkness I have known far too many times. The real threat is my internal voice sabotaging my career before I get started. I need to calm down and take one day at a time.

April 17-18, 2024, Wednesday/Thursday morning, 2:25am, pacific standard time, hotel in Chandler, Arizona,USA. I am aware of the posts I never write. The thoughts, memories, observances and experiences I fail to capture. Yesterday was the two year anniversary of a cherished vacation. I thought about reminiscing but didn’t. Later, a colleague at work threw out a comment about leaving the stress of her job behind and becoming a florist. I wanted to write about my own release valve from stress, going back to being a Chaplain, but I just couldn’t find the time. Finally, I thought of an analogy about my past Arizona experience being like a favorite book I return to read time and again but the thought was quickly dismissed. I am emotionally exhausted from nostalgia overload. Right now it is early Thursday morning. I am going to get up soon, go for a walk, exercise at the hotel gym, then get on the road back to California. I don’t know when I will return to Arizona. This has been a good trip. My work meetings went well, I saw old friends and visited the landmarks I wanted to see. Now it is time to say goodbye one more time and return to the life waiting for me back home.

April 16, 2024, Tuesday night, 8:44pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Scottsdale, Arizona,USA. Turns out I didn’t need to change hotels. When they announced the meeting last month it sounded like we would be staying close to the office. Instead, the meeting and dinner were in Gilbert and the hotel is 25 minutes away in Scottsdale. It would have been easier to stay another night in Chandler. But I am kind of glad it worked out this way. The hotel is a nice one in old town Scottsdale and staying in a different city gives me a new perspective on Arizona. I was overdoing it on nostalgia the last couple days in Chandler and needed a different experience.

April 15, 2024, Monday afternoon, 2:24pm, pacific standard time, outside old office in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. Had a good time with my friend last night. Got up a little late and went for my usual Arizona walk followed by a workout at the hotel gym. The phone started ringing at 8:am and has barely stopped. Seems like a lot of people are punchy at work this week. This afternoon I went to a planet fitness in Chandler to see if it would be better for workouts while I am out here. It wasn’t very big and not very impressive. I might not bother trying and just stick with the hotel gym. After that I went back to the hotel and changed. Now I am driving around, visiting familiar haunts and planning what I am going to have for dinner.