Back to shopping

3:59pm Irvine California, shopping center, Saturday afternoon. We are back at the same shopping center as before. The girls had credits left over from the virtual reality arcade and we had to buy a birthday present. They are also shopping for cheap accessories like necklaces and rings. I ended up having to order a hoodie online for the birthday present. We need to pick it up at a store closer to Dana Point. We will leave soon and head back home to get it. This morning I took the dog for the usual walk then picked my mom up for another walk. I was so tired afterwards I took a little nap on the couch. Shortly after noon we went to lunch with the whole family plus my daughters friend and her mom before coming out to Irvine. It has been a fun weekend. I am glad to keep busy and spend time with my daughter.

Christmas tree, Irvine Spectrum, Irvine, CA

Black Friday

4:31pm at a bookstore in a shopping center, Irvine, California, Friday after thanksgiving. I am killing time at a bookstore while my daughter and her friend visit a virtual reality arcade. I took them both to see a movie. We are at the same shopping center as last night. What a difference between thanksgiving and Black Friday. Last night the place was deserted. Today we had to park on the top level of the farthest parking structure. This morning I slept until 6am then picked my mom up at 7:30am. We drove to Dana Point to walk around the harbor then back up The Street of the Golden Lantern. The grade is pretty steep on that road so by the time we got coffee and back to my wife’s apartment we were exhausted. After eating lunch we headed back north to drop my mom off at the hotel and to pick up my daughters friend. It is getting to be evening and the sun is setting. We will meet my mom and wife for dinner then take the friend back home.

Thanksgiving

10:01pm Dana Point, thanksgiving Thursday. My mom and I drove to Dana Point this morning from Chandler. Traffic wasn’t bad but we did get slowed down by an accident outside of Coachella. When we arrived some in laws had just shown up. Dinner was served early afternoon and followed up with hanging Christmas lights. Everyone went home around six then my daughter, wife and I saw a movie in Irvine. All in all not a bad way to spend thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving eve

2:32pm in my office, Phoenix, Wednesday afternoon. It is quiet, and boring. Not much going on. The phones are silent but there are a couple loose ends to take care before the holiday. I spent most of the day scrolling through the newsfeed on my computer. On my walk this morning I felt gratitude, specifically for my time in Arizona. 2021 has been nice in that I can look back on the last 9 plus months and not hate what I see. Which is not nothing. Often when I think about the past it is like wandering into a mine field. Memories start happy but end up sad. Or worse, just plain suck. Arizona hasn’t been perfect but it has been pretty good. Good enough that I can get lost in thought, even just for a little bit, without devolving into sadness. It ain’t much but I will take it.

Avoiding Disappointment

7:10 pm in the apartment in Arizona, Tuesday evening. I am mindful of thoughts that don’t serve my best interest. Thoughts that start out positive but lead to feelings of sadness. Those are usually thoughts of Utah and the WIL but can reference a broader spectrum of situations as well. The more aware I am of the pitfalls associated with certain thoughts the better I get at avoiding disappointment.

Monday

3:42pm, in my office, Arizona, Monday afternoon. The sky is a little overcast and the weather is cool for Phoenix (upper 70’s) We made it to the casino last night but didn’t win anything. We still had a good time. I got to the office early today. Traffic was light and work has been slow. It is still just me and one assistant in the office today however she noticed a flat on her car so she left to get it serviced. So far I have successfully fielded phone calls and inquiries.

Hole-in-the-rock

1:31pm, apartment in Arizona, Sunday afternoon. We hiked Papago Park this morning, up to Hole-in-the-rock. The path was short (0.3 miles) but uneven and crowded. My 79 year old mother said she liked the challenge but it was probably too dangerous. “All’s well that ends well,” she quoted. After we cooled off and drank water we grabbed fresh fruit at the store and had lunch. Now we are resting with the ambitious hope of hitting the casino up the road this evening.

Saturday

13:35pm, apartment, Saturday afternoon. My mom and I ran errands around town this morning. It is the weekend before thanksgiving so it was busy. She wanted to get me some groceries and paper products, typical staples I need for the house but haven’t gotten in a while. She enjoys shopping and I of course am thankful for the gesture and getting to spend time with her. While we were at the store I remembered an item my daughter requested for Christmas a couple of weeks back. On a whim I looked for it and it was a good thing I did. The store did not have it in stock. I checked online for another location nearby and realized it is becoming scarce. Apparently this particular item is nearly sold out within a 20 mile radius and I imagine will be very hard to find by next weekend. I ended up ordering one at a store west of town. After resting we are going to go pick it up then grab some dinner.

Friday

3:42pm Friday afternoon, office in Phoenix. This afternoon many visitors came to the office. The regional team stopped by on their way to Tucson from up north. Originally they were going to stay until three but left at 2. It is Friday afternoon so I don’t blame them for leaving early. After they were gone a nursing assistant, nurse practitioner and registered nurse came in, one after the other. I invited each of them to come in because I had things to discuss about future assignments. The meetings went well and I felt they were mutually beneficial. Now the office assistant and I are working on new referrals and closing out payroll. It is going slow because the two other staff members usually in the office Friday afternoons are out sick.

Never enough

9:11am in my office, Phoenix, Thursday morning. I always have an undefined feeling of need for something more. a better job, a bigger house, more money, more fame, more love etc. That need remains undefined precisely because I can never fill it. There isn’t a final destination, or even a next step, there is only occasional accomplishments; vague notions I moved forward or got better in some way. They are usually not even tangible or measurable. It could be a job seemed more rewarding than the previous one. Or my base salary increased slightly. Perhaps a new living situation featured an amenity others did not. Whatever the case I scramble to appease that which can not be appeased. My life is simply trying to find peace in an existence of unrest.