Wednesday afternoon

3:49pm in the office, Wednesday afternoon. I am busy at work figuring out schedules, contracts and payroll. I don’t mind being busy. I tend to overthink existential issues with too much downtime. My mom’s flight from Salt Lake City arrived early this afternoon. The airport is only 12 minutes from my office so I went down and picked her up. It was nice to see her again. I haven’t seen my mom since March back when she lived with me in California. We didn’t have much time to talk. As soon as we got to the car my assistant texted me. The regional team came into the office unannounced. I quickly took my mom to the apartment and rushed back to the office to meet with everyone but they had already left to go to other offices up north. They seemed thankful to get a head start so it all worked out.

November 17

11:03am, in my office, Phoenix, Wednesday morning. My mom arrives today. She is flying in from Salt Lake City. Her flight is boarding at this very moment. She gets in shortly after 1pm. I will pick her up at the airport, drop her off at the apartment then return to work. Today is also my brothers birthday. He would have been 52. The next two weeks will be nice to have company and to see my mom again.

Post purpose

8:29am, in my office, Phoenix Arizona, Tuesday morning. We have a meeting at work every other Tuesday at 9am. On those days the 8:15 morning call is canceled. I have a little more free time than usual on this morning, which is why I am posting now. My approach to writing recently has been to chronicle activities. I realize I don’t care so much for insight as much as I want to know what I was doing on a particular day. I want to recall where I was, who I interacted with how it made me feel. I want to use this space to remember time and place.

Utah

6:28pm, Arizona apartment, Monday evening. Will I always be haunted by Utah? It has been so long since I lived there, even longer since being the chaplain, yet it haunts every thought I have. I am not sad but it is frustrating. I can’t go back and I can’t move forward. Utah is a gift and also a curse.

Back in Arizona

7:45 pm, apartment in Arizona, Sunday evening. I am back in Arizona after a weekend in Orange County. I got a late start this morning and hit traffic just outside the city so it was dark when I arrived back at my apartment. After eating dinner and unpacking the car I started a load of wash and put away groceries. Now I am checking emails and charging my phones. I plan on going to bed early to get rested for tomorrow. This will be the last week corporate support people will be at the office Monday through Friday. I appreciate the help but it is stressful having to explain everything and learn new systems.

The beach

4:28pm Dana Point, Saturday afternoon. I got out of Phoenix shortly after 4am and made it to Dana Point around 9:30am with the time change. My daughter has a friend who plays volleyball so she wanted to play a little when I arrived. After playing volleyball we headed down the path south of the apartment and went to the beach. I tried boogie boarding for the first time. Then the girls wanted to play more volleyball ball. Now we are back home relaxing a bit before heading out to run errands. So far it has been a good day.

beach plan

6:16pm Friday night, Arizona. Another punchy feeling day. I didn’t eat all day yesterday. When I finally had dinner last night it made me feel sick. I haven’t shaken that sensation yet so as I went to meetings around town my patience was short. Tomorrow I am taking my daughter and a friend to the beach along with the other dad. I hope I feel better by then. It has been a while since I have gone to the beach. It will be nice to be social and feel the waves again.

A friend

(I wrote this two weeks ago. Something happened with an editing error. Either I am reposting this after inadvertently unposting it or it is a duplicate) 6pm, the apartment, Arizona, Thursday evening. I am sad tonight. One of my daughters former classmates lost her dad over the weekend. I just read his obituary. It is hard to believe he is gone. I had no idea he was even sick (or that he was two years older then me). We did many activities at school together. He seemed so young, healthy and happy. My wife saw him not too long ago and said he was in failing health. Apparently he had a heart condition that couldn’t be treated. I just can’t fathom he died. He was so kind, patient and sincere. A loving father and a good man.

Wednesday night

7:39pm, apartment, Arizona, Wednesday evening. I have felt off all day. Edgy. Punchy. No particular reason, I just woke up that way. The in-laws plan for thanksgiving changed. We are not going to Lompoc. Which isn’t bad because that was a longer drive. Now I have to find a hotel in Dana Point for my mom. I will call her tomorrow and see what she wants to do. The hotels by the water are run down but have great views. Farther inland the places are nicer.

Time change

6:08pm, apartment, Arizona, evening. Sunday was the end of day light savings. In Arizona that means we stay put as time zones change around us. During the summer we are on Pacific time. In the winter, mountain time. I grew up in the mountain time zone so it feels familiar but I do lose an hour now traveling back from California. On a similar note Our office had a time change. We went from closing at 5pm to closing at 4:30pm (all the offices at the new company are on that schedule). You wouldn’t think 30 minutes makes that big of a difference but it does. 30 minutes means avoiding traffic. It provides more time to relax and the day is shorter. Change is hard but in that one small capacity things feel better. Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most.