9:50am, in my office, Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday morning, January 4, 2022. Yesterday my relatives stopped in Chandler to visit. We ate at the Mexican restaurant across the street from my apartment then sat and talked for a while. It was good to see them but I am exhausted. I need down time away from people and work. All morning I have struggled with a feeling of anxiety. Nothing specific is bothering me, yet I can’t relax. The last two days I have been going through things and packing, both at the office and at the apartment. Maybe I sense something subconsciously, or maybe it is just normal behavior at the start of a new year.
Author: mikemeyer949
Memories from a year ago
6:17am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, January 3, 2022. A year ago (Monday January 4th) I walked into work and was greeted at the door by the HR director. She informed me I had been laid off; No warning, no advance knowledge, not even a hint. I was the Executive Director in charge while the CEO took an extended sabbatical. When he got back I was no longer needed. For three months I navigated the site through an office move, staffing issues, billing concerns, clinical leadership changes and the pandemic resurgence. Then I was let go. Finically I was in a terrible position, I couldn’t afford rent and had no job prospects in Orange County. I expanded my search area and that is how I ended up in Arizona. Despite the start to the year I look back on 2021 as mostly good. I am proud of how the year turned out. I miss being close to my daughter but the change in perspective did me good. Now I want to take this adventure, wrap it up, hold onto the memories and get back to my life in Orange County.
Sunday Afternoon, January 2, 2022
3:33pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, January 2, 2022. I woke up late this morning, which meant not going for a walk or working out because I had to drive to the office and enter payroll before 10am. I finished early and was out of there before 9. Other than that I haven’t been productive today at all. The family left yesterday at 2pm. We went shopping and grabbed lunch before they got on the road. They arrived in Orange County at 8pm pacific time which meant I was already asleep by the time my daughter texted to let me know. I took down the apartment’s Christmas decorations last evening. Perhaps that was a mistake. Now the place looks as empty as it feels. The post-holiday let down coupled with everyone leaving is depressing. Vacation is over, spending time with my family has past and I am feeling very alone right now.
New Years Day
9:16am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Saturday, January 01, 2022, New Years Day. My family goes back to Orange County today. They planned on leaving at nine but are still asleep. I don’t blame them, we are all tired from staying up late last night. The dog and I went for a walk at six, then drove down the block to fill the car with gas before having coffee and breakfast. I feel weird right now; emotionally indifferent, with no ambition. What do I look forward to this coming year? There is no overarching plan, and that makes me nervous.
Almost 2022, with Update
11:40pm, on my couch with the dog, Chandler, Arizona…Change of plans, now I am going to play games at the dining room table with the family until the twelve o’clock. UPDATE: 12:09am, January 01, 2022 We played a game about sandwiches until the clock struck midnight. Now I am in bed. I am glad I stayed up and welcomed the new year with my family. Happy 2022.
Indoor skydiving
2:57pm, December 31, 2021. My daughter and I went indoor skydiving today in Scottsdale, Arizona. My wife took the picture. We are going to go to a movie later this afternoon.
Last day of the year
&:11am, lying in bed, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, December 31, 2021, New Year’s Eve. It was raining when the dog and I left for our walk so we spent the morning watching television and working out. It is New Year’s Eve, the last day of the year. I feel anxious and trapped. What is going to happen in 2022? So much energy was expended getting through this year but nothing really changed. I will go to work on Monday as usual. The calendar will say a new month, a new year, but does it matter? My wife negotiated a better position and salary with her organization. “One more year,” she said. Then what? Do the years keep piling up? Do we endure this year so we can get to the next and be thankful we survived? Do we look back and appreciate the journey or do we mourn a time lost forever? We are getting older, eventually the years will pass and we will no longer exist. How do we make the most of the time we have left?
Update: Taking the day off
9:15pm, in my apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Thursday night, December 30, 2021. The apartment complex theater was fun. We ordered pizza, popped popcorn and ate a bunch of gummy snacks. We stayed until 8:30pm then came home to let the dog out.
The day of rebirth
9:14am, Thursday. I let go of poisoned energy; failure, stress, loss and embarrassment are evicted from my soul. Today is the day of rebirth.
Taking the day off
6:15am, in my apartment living room in Chandler, Arizona, sitting on the couch, watching the weather, Thursday morning, December 30, 2021. The morning feels cozy. My wife and daughter are sleeping, the dog is on the couch next to me and we are watching the weather. Yesterday I told the regional VP my family was in town. She told me to relax and suggested I spend time with them. I appreciated that. She makes me feel valued. I want to work hard for my own success but to also to repay the support she gives me. We do not have definitive plans for the day, but we did reserve the apartment complex theater tonight. We are going to buy snacks and watch a movie together.
