Author: mikemeyer949

New

8:30am Friday, in the office. I hurried into the office this morning to check my email. I was expecting a notice from corporate. Talent acquisition had extended offers to a number of candidates. It was imperative we get them on board. The news was good. “Candidate accepted offer; start date in two weeks.” I felt happy. Now I can begin planning for a more certain future.

Frustrating

8:24am Thursday. The calls come in first thing in the morning. Angry family members, disappointed referral sources. They have expectations for service and they cannot be met. There is not enough staff. We have stopped bringing on clients and the census is going down but it is still too much for those that are trying to provide care.

New boss

6:49am Wednesday. The new bosses are coming to the office today. They will arrive at 10 and leave by noon. It is an informal meeting before the acquisition closes next month. I don’t have many expectations. They didn’t choose me and I didn’t choose them. These relationships seldom work out. I will keep an open mind.

While laying in bed I thought about the importance of staying in the present. When I focus on the moment at hand I am happy. If I plan too far ahead or spend too much time thinking about the past I get sad. I don’t like being sad. I am taking time off next week to spend time in California with my daughter. That is as far as I will look ahead. Nothing else is guaranteed.

I dreamt about the WIL last night. I was an usher at a church. She walked in with her husband. Her and I didn’t talk but her husband stayed behind. He got close to me and tried to intimidate me. I kept it casual and asked how the three boys were doing. He told me the one was in the hospital. I was alarmed and asked for more details but now I can’t recall what he said. I am not sure what to make of the dream.

Fight for survival

5:28am Tuesday. It rained on my walk this morning. Little drizzling drops giving way to wet and steady precipitation. The rain was colder than I expected. I took my phone with me because I was trying to track distance. Normally I don’t have my phone. The girls at work convinced me to join an activity that requires using an app. When the rain started I had no choice but to run so as to make it home before I was soaked and my phone was ruined. When I arrived back at my place I began to towel off. And there I realized I a nagging truth. I am unremarkable, some might say, below average. Inside me is a fight for survival, success, relevance? But am I doomed to strive and never achieve?

The WIL

2:40am Friday morning. I had a dream about the WIL. It was sweet and beautiful. We were at a family reunion. My dad was there. The WIL and I reunited and spent our time talking, kissing, holding hands. When I woke up I could feel the magnet in my chest that screams only for her pulling strong. For years (and most of these posts) I focused on what she is to me. I forgot that I am something to her.

Wednesday

9:35am Wednesday morning. The next morning I got an email from a former client. She was effusive, and quite pleasant, with her praise for our service. Despite worries (we were short staffed), she was pleased with the attention offered her family. She said she wanted to donate to the general fund and was inquiring how to do so. She had no doubt the money would go to a good cause and help families in need. I provided the information and thanked her for the generous offer.

Future

6:27am Tuesday morning. To that point I had focused on my past, trying to live in the now and make everything I had done prior fit or have meaning. I wanted life experiences to be pieces of a puzzle. I wanted to believe who I was and who I would become were connected. But the past is gone for a reason and making the present, or even the future conform to what was left behind is foolish. And dangerous.