7:40pm Monday night. There was a knock on my door. I opened it to find my neighbor across the landing. He was a young Indian guy with thick glasses. He lived with his wife. The few times I ran into them we just exchanged quick hellos. “Excuse me, did you see someone deliver a package?” I told him I hadn’t. He looked vexed then asked if I would let him know if I did. I said, “Of course.” He turned and walked down the stairs to the parking area and disappeared from view.
Author: mikemeyer949
Monday morning
5:52am Monday morning. There was no perfect existence. I did the best I could in any given circumstance. Whatever the case I remembered that time with fondness or I did not. If the moment was powerful the memories were haunting and pure. If the moment was not particularly good the memories were forgotten or seldom brought up.
Sunday evening
6:14pm Sunday evening, Arizona. Then I realized a truth. All my stress, all my sadness initiated from doubt. Doubt I was worth loving, doubt I could complete a work assignment, doubt I could win a competition. Doubt weighed me down like an anchor pulling my happiness to the abyss. I had always dealt with stress by trying to run away. When I couldn’t figure out how to escape I felt more stress. The answer was to not run away. To not doubt. Only I could choose to be confident in the face of adversity. Vanquish doubt and remove stress.
Sunday afternoon
12:56pm Sunday afternoon, Palm Desert. The marine layer chilled the air coming off the ocean. A took my jacket from the trunk and put it off then began walking. By the time we crested the hill I was hot, so I took the jacket off and carried it in my hand. My mind thought about past Sunday’s, and what I would rather be doing other than walking at that moment. I concluded there was nothing I would rather be doing, and there was no place I would rather be.
Saturday afternoon
4:53pm Saturday afternoon, Dana Point. Upon arriving in Orange County I stopped to grab my mail from the post office. Then I continued to my wife and daughters house. My daughter was excited to play a new game, my wife was finishing work before she left to run errands. I took the dog for a walk around the complex then returned to eat lunch. When I finished I felt tired, so I laid on the couch and took a nap.
Saturday morning
8:32am Saturday morning, Palm Desert. What did it matter in the end? Regardless of the life I lived I seldom if ever made a choice. Rather, events transpired, circumstances occurred and I was presented a new life to accept. I was never the force but rather the object acted upon. Unknown energy pushes me and I rationalize my fate.
Friday night
9:13pm Friday night. It was late when I finally fell asleep. The day had been long and all I cared about was resting so I could get an early start the next morning.
Friday morning
5:39am Friday morning. I woke up early and decided to go for a run. I turned East then crossed the main road to the south. The unfamiliarity of the new route occupied my thoughts and kept me focused. When I tired I fell into a brisk walk then stretched for a half hour. I returned home but I wasn’t hungry so I just had coffee.
Thursday night
7:44pm Thursday night. I became a chaplain again. Getting ready for survey. One of the staff chaplains is on leave. To have back up coverage i will add the chaplain job description and competencies to my personnel file. And just like that I have a job as a prn chaplain. Just like that I can update my resume. Just like that I can get out of the fucking hell I have been in for over a decade.
Thursday morning
5:46am Thursday morning. My dreams were filled with thoughts of running away, starting over, going some place new and feeling reborn. Memories of childhood flashed through my mind and tears welled in my eyes. Why is it so hard to find peace? Where can I go to feel contentment? To feel the storm inside me calm even if just for a moment?
