The person would come in and be showered and changed. Then we sat in a room and interviewed them. Me, the charge nurse the psychiatrist and psychologist and a security person of available. The doctors and nurse would talk about needs while they were at the hospital and records, interviews, background they would like me to get.

I then started to put together an assessment of the person

I have some severance and money set aside but it won’t go far. Not many jobs that will pay what my lifestyle is. I really need to downgrade into what my situation warrants. From June of 2017 until September of 2020 I was unemployed or underemployed. It fucked my finances

I will take a break and look for a job. The job boards are like an online dating service. Because I am superficial I am attracted to superficial and shitty jobs. I interact with people in a shitty superficial way and get fired or leave rather than feel I need to work hard

I am searching for my 14th job in the last 12 years.

Odds are it will be a job I don’t particularly have a passion for and will only be at for 3 to 12 months.

They are mostly sales job so it is a two way street. Staying longer is the exception not the rule. But I digress.

I write this because I have the free time and try to make sense of my choices. Also to maybe try and find a path forward. Make a friend

I need a friend. A human connection and I don’t know how to relate with people.

Is this a confession, a clearing of conscious

Or trying to make sense of a choice I made

To find a new path or accept the one I am on

To connect with you the reader in some way

To validate my choices

To make writing my new path. I tried that. I am superficial. If I try to be engaging I end up being boring.

Out of all them the most resonance cones from being friends with you. Faceless nameless person passively engaging in these words yet connecting in some way

The thing I was good at I left. Why? Did I outgrow it? Did I get bored. Was I heartbroken? Did I crave money adventure?

Was it because my dad died?

I had an affair. I fell in love with a woman other than my wife. When it ended nothing felt beautiful any more

I was preaching and got bored, lost my train of thought. A couple times through the lectionary and nothing felt exciting

I became a parent. 2008 money was tight. I was worried about losing my house. My wife lost her job

My ego. I was so sure I could get rich, amass titles and possessions. I got my mba and wanted to test myself. See what I could do

I look back on my life and wonder what I thought I was doing.

When I was 15.., that feels too honest. It doesn’t seem interesting or relevant. So now I am considering you, the reader in what honesty you can tolerate. What if I am honest but it is off putting or boring. I will lose my relationship with you before it begins and frankly I need you right now. I need to feel connected to you. That you are entertained, invested and informed by this effort.

So now I am juggling. Honesty must balance being useful to you, without too much hurting other people without sheltering my ego.

My first “real” job was working as a “religious consultant” for the state of wyoming. That was truly my job title. It was January 1999. One month before my 27th birthday.

I had graduated from seminary after completing my internship in august. I moved back to my hometown and was a chaplain extern at the wyoming state hospital. After four months I was hired full time.

I conducted the Protestant religious service at the chapel and provided bible study on the unit where patients were locked down.

Monday through Thursday I completed psychosocial background assessments for the psychiatrist and psychologist to complete reports on defendants accused of a crime. Invariably a public defender would ask a new client if they had ever been diagnosed, treated or evaluated for a mental illness. If the answer was yes they would ship them to the state hospital in the very southwest corner. The evaluation was designated for thirty days. In reality with transportation limitations it was 60 and sometimes even longer.