I envy people that have a skill.
I do not work with tools, programs or machines. I start new jobs and I see people that know regulations, programs, software and I long for the weary yet confident familiarity they possess.
When I was an unaffiliated chaplain I saw that in the daily mass of catholic priests. I once strived for that with liturgical worship services I conducted. I had a skilled. I visited the dying. I performed funerals, weddings, baptisms.
I do not believe I have the courage to be honest. I am not brazen.
I am so secretive and walled off. John prine said he lives deep down inside his head. That resonates with me. I built thick walls and buried my emotions
I have stopped creating for the most part because I felt it didn’t go anywhere.
I am almost 49 and I feel my worth is diminished. In the last ten years I have bounced between 11 jobs. I have spent savings retirement and have debt.
My wife and I are separated. I no longer speak to the woman I love. Sex is a shallow dangerous encounters with strangers I treat as a party favor .
I don’t want to admit who I truly am or truly am not so I just retreat farther into my mind and the hollow shadows of meaningless existence
what I once saw as a strength has become a liability. I wasn’t afraid to let go and leap into the unknown. While this has given me many friends, adventures, experiences, money and titles it has not afforded me stability or true sustained growth. At the beginning of 2021 I see what I need to personally work on to become better
Given the choice I would rather not engage with people in a direct way. I like people, I want to help others have a better quality of life but I am not an outgoing gregarious guy that thrives on human interaction.
I noticed reading my post from yesterday that I am not like Joanne so why strive for something that doesn’t make me comfortable? I need to find a way to help in my own unique way
https://www.theringer.com/nfl/2020/12/17/22179946/why-are-the-chargers-cursed
Quotes from author Nora Princiotti about psychic Joanne Gerber
“She sees her work as providing people with information about their lives that can help them make more meaningful decisions for themselves. Ultimately, her work is about empowering people.”
“Some people just feel like the whole world is deciding what their fate is going to be and that’s just not true. It’s amazing how many people live their life like that. We have to realize the post of our own being, the light within us,” Gerber said.
We are all going to walk this path and ask the questions. I offer my services as a friend and confidant on the journey.
The question a I ask is, “What gift, talent or experience gives me the credentials to be of service?”
We start by going to school then grow out of that. Then we get jobs. But for most of us, by the time we are in our thirties we are looking for the next evolution in our lives. A healthier more fulfilling purpose that rekindles passion for life.
A little edit to what we do together
Pursue a healthy fulfilling purpose that rekindles passion for life
My first couple of jobs were rewarding. I liked the sense of identity, the purpose and lifestyle having a job afforded me.
When I was younger I liked being a student. I graduated from high school and went on to college, even grad school.
At some point I tired of being a student. I wanted to evolve and grow. That is when I got my first job.
After more than a decade of working jobs I strived to take the Next step and evolve again. But what is the next step? Being a student just happened. I was told to go, I liked it and continued. Getting a job took persistence but there were opportunities and I took them. Finding the next step is not so clear. Where do I go, how do I make money, support myself and my family?
Those questions and the answers you live with will be how you spend a majority of your years on this earth.
mikemeyer949 