Author: mikemeyer949

Sunday afternoon

12:56pm Sunday afternoon, Palm Desert. The marine layer chilled the air coming off the ocean. A took my jacket from the trunk and put it off then began walking. By the time we crested the hill I was hot, so I took the jacket off and carried it in my hand. My mind thought about past Sunday’s, and what I would rather be doing other than walking at that moment. I concluded there was nothing I would rather be doing, and there was no place I would rather be.

Saturday afternoon

4:53pm Saturday afternoon, Dana Point. Upon arriving in Orange County I stopped to grab my mail from the post office. Then I continued to my wife and daughters house. My daughter was excited to play a new game, my wife was finishing work before she left to run errands. I took the dog for a walk around the complex then returned to eat lunch. When I finished I felt tired, so I laid on the couch and took a nap.

Saturday morning

8:32am Saturday morning, Palm Desert. What did it matter in the end? Regardless of the life I lived I seldom if ever made a choice. Rather, events transpired, circumstances occurred and I was presented a new life to accept. I was never the force but rather the object acted upon. Unknown energy pushes me and I rationalize my fate.

Friday morning

5:39am Friday morning. I woke up early and decided to go for a run. I turned East then crossed the main road to the south. The unfamiliarity of the new route occupied my thoughts and kept me focused. When I tired I fell into a brisk walk then stretched for a half hour. I returned home but I wasn’t hungry so I just had coffee.

Thursday night

7:44pm Thursday night. I became a chaplain again. Getting ready for survey. One of the staff chaplains is on leave. To have back up coverage i will add the chaplain job description and competencies to my personnel file. And just like that I have a job as a prn chaplain. Just like that I can update my resume. Just like that I can get out of the fucking hell I have been in for over a decade.

Thursday morning

5:46am Thursday morning. My dreams were filled with thoughts of running away, starting over, going some place new and feeling reborn. Memories of childhood flashed through my mind and tears welled in my eyes. Why is it so hard to find peace? Where can I go to feel contentment? To feel the storm inside me calm even if just for a moment?

Wednesday night

8:18pm Wednesday. At that point I wasn’t thinking straight. I grabbed the nearest thing I could write with, a broken pencil, and scribbled down her phone number. Or as much as I could remember. I was pretty sure I transposed a couple digits but that was alright. I would dial combinations until I got a hold of her to ask her out.

Wednesday

5:29am Wednesday. When I started my walk I noticed the faint odor of a skunk coming from the East. It had been there every morning this week. I assumed the animal must be hurt or dead. That got me thinking about life. My dad has been gone fifteen years. Did he live the life he wanted? Did it matter? My brother died five years ago. My mom still has his stuff. Lately she has asked me if I want it. When is a mother ready to let go of her son? When is a son able to let go of his father?

Tuesday night

7:32pm Tuesday night. The call came in nine minutes earlier. I checked the voicemail then called her back. She is a colleague in the LA office. I like talking to her. We commiserated about work. At one point she used her boyfriend for an analogy. I became jealous. I don’t know why. She has a boyfriend. I am married. After we hung up I felt irritable. I got water from the kitchen the went for a walk around the building. Another hot afternoon bore down on the parking lot. By the time I got back to my desk I was sweating and tired.