Author: mikemeyer949

Tuesday morning

5:39am It feels like a lightening storm is going off in my brain. I have all these thoughts that flash bright then disappear. There are so many things I want but don’t know how to get. I miss Orange County. I miss my daughter. I miss seeing her everyday and taking her to activities. I want to succeed professionally. I want a stable income. I want to stay in Arizona. I want to move. I want to buy a house. I want to quit. It is emotionally draining. I have the Denver interview today at 8am. I have my one on one with my supervisor at 11:30am.

Monday morning

5:49am in the apartment, on the couch. Sipping coffee and watching the weather. The temperature is supposed to be high this week. I like the cooler air. I would rather wear a jacket. I live in the wrong place. I am thinking about change. Do I want to change work? One factor to consider is pay. The job in Denver says the rate they are starting at is 10% higher than my salary now. a higher pay check would alleviate pressure. I ran through a lot of retirement and savings in Orange County. I incurred debt. While I have made more money since switching to operations I am getting by, not getting ahead. A raise in pay could change my circumstances.

Sunday night

8:18pm I am in a resentful mood. I have been at this job for six months. Things should be settling in. Instead I am dealing with constant upheaval. That creates a battle inside me. half of me wants to do what I always do. own the failure. Blame myself. The other half refuses to take blame. That half of me is pissed this situation was so bad to begin with. I like the latter half of me. I will not take the blame for this garbage heap.

Depressing

12:10pm it is always a little depressing when my family leaves. I look forward to having them so I enjoy the anticipation of their arrival. Then they are here and we have fun. Now they are gone. There is no anticipation and nothing to do. I have sat around all morning just numb.

Sunday morning

8:37am I only did one post yesterday. I was getting tired of the subject matter. I feel like all I can think about or write about is work. A couple thoughts were bouncing around in my head but I didn’t want to take the time to share them. Last week I transitioned the director of business operations over to sales. I am not back filling his position right away. That means I have to do many of the business office functions. I will either learn responsibility quickly or fail spectacularly

Family left

6:56am my family left Arizona to go back to Orange County. They got on the road at 5am. I went for a walk after they pulled out. Then I went and worked out, came back to the apartment, made a cup of coffee and cleaned up a little. I miss having them here. There is the feeling of two apartments. When they are here the apartment is filled with energy, bodies and stuff. The girls are playing games, watching videos and ready for adventure. When they are gone the apartment is empty, quiet and depressing.

Denver

8:38am I got a call from the recruiter for that job I applied for this morning. It is in Denver. An executive director role like I am doing now. No much career growth. The salary is higher. I am a little concerned how easy I could pack up and move to Colorado. I don’t want to. But I am beginning to doubt this jobs viability.

Balance

2:02pm I am back in my office in south Phoenix. I went home for lunch. Now I am trying to finish up some tasks. My daughter and her friend want to go to a movie this afternoon. I am going to leave an hour and a half early to take them. I want to enjoy time with them. Tonight is the last night this trip. They leave first thing in the morning. It is important I focus on being present when I am at work and also when I am hone. I struggle with multi tasking. I can concentrate on work or on family but it is hard to do both. I am sure that is the case for most people.