7:55am office, Arizona, Wednesday morning. Might as well just be me. Might as well accept who I am. Might as well tell people what I am thinking and feeling. I will have all eternity to myself but only a short time left to interact with people.
Author: mikemeyer949
Decision
1:05pm office. I made the decision to let my lease run out and return to California in March. I will start looking for jobs in January. Let’s see how well this post ages.
Springsteen
8:35am, office. My brother died 5 years ago. I grabbed some cds of his and put them in a box when we went through his stuff but hadn’t listened to them until this week. On my trip to California Saturday I brought the cds with me. One of them was Bruce Springsteen’s Darkness on the edge of town. “Poor man want to be rich, rich man want to be king and a king ain’t satisfied till he rules everything.” Badlands, Bruce Springsteen
New company
7:39pm Dana point, evening. I didn’t post this morning because my company sold over the weekend. The new ownership was there all day today. things went well but I miss my daughter. I should be on California. The job in San Diego was reposted. Why don’t I apply?
Perspective
7:28am, Dana Point. I took my daughter and her friend to a neighborhood haunted house last night. We had fun. The kids (middle school/high school) did a good job getting into character and performing. We came home around 8pm. I went to bed shortly after but the girls stayed up, they didn’t go to sleep until 1am. Needless to say, they are still sleeping. The dog and I took a walk this morning. While coming down the hill I thought about life. Right now Arizona gives me perspective I couldn’t see in Orange County. When I lived here all I saw was stress, I couldn’t relax because work and leisure weren’t separate. No matter what I was doing my mind was thinking about my job and what I had to do. Now work is in a different state. When I am in California I leave it behind and enjoy experiences with my daughter. I am fully present watching a movie, shopping at the mall or going to a haunted house. I don’t like being far away from her but I am thankful for what we have shared the past year.
Palm desert
8:14am, palm desert. Traveling to see my daughter. Today is the 12 year anniversary of the last day I was a hospice chaplain. The time has gone quick. I want to go back to being a chaplain, even if it is for a short time. I want to remember how it feels.
France Davis
6:16am, Arizona, apartment. A prominent Utah minister had a street named after him the other day. Pastor France Davis is, according to the Salt Lake Tribune, “A civil rights legend in Utah.” He marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, taught at the University, and built Salt Lake City’s Cavalry Baptist into a large and influential congregation. I met Reverend Davis a couple times when I lived in Utah. I recall he was somewhat slight in stature but had what is best described as “fierce calm.” He is a man that works hard and is greatly respected. Long ago I had a copy of his biography, ‘France Davis: An American Story Told’ written by him and Nayra A. Arita. I will have to see if I can find it and read it again.
stress
5:37am, Thursday, apartment, Arizona. I woke up this morning in a panic. My chest was heavy and I couldn’t catch my breath. I stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face while taking deep breaths. After a minute I felt calmer but it was frightening. Everyday the stress seems heavier and work more frustrating. I am tired of problems that never resolve, tasks that are not completed and excuses that are implausible. This causes me to examine so much about life; maybe I am not cut out for leadership, perhaps I should work for a different company, or is it a matter of making changes in key positions? Whatever the case the issues must be addressed before I cause myself serious harm.
Catalytic
8:30am at the office in Arizona. One of the employees had the catalytic converter stolen from her car yesterday afternoon. The thief crawled underneath her vehicle and dismantled the exhaust system. Upon starting the engine she knew something was wrong, it sounded awful, as you would suspect when the exhaust system is broken. She came back into the office distraught. I calmed her down and gave her a ride home. Her step dad brought her to work this morning and is taking care of the situation. It is an older car. I suspect after filing a police report and insurance claim the vehicle will be totaled out. It got me thinking about life. How the car was productive for years; Driving to work, taking vacations, running errands. Then, in an instant, the value is stolen by an unknown stranger. Life is fragile. Things change quickly and your value can diminish overnight.
Eighth grade
8:31am Arizona, in the office. My daughter is in eighth grade. The week before last were parent/teacher conferences for the first quarter. She is doing well in school. However she has a tendency to zone out and doodle on her assignments. This happens in a more than one class so it isn’t subject related. She would rather be creating something than be bored. as a parent it was my duty to tell her the importance of paying attention, I think I even told her to suck it up and get through the school year. But is that good advice? Here I am in the same situation. I am bored at work, the things I do don’t interest me and I am escaping by creating something. Is this human nature? Or is it a sign I am wasting my time on things that I shouldn’t? Do you ever get to do what you truly want?
