Category: Relationships

Be present

5:42am this week is a moment. Something that I looked forward to for a long time. My family with me for a whole week. I want to enjoy this time. Stay in the moment. Four years ago I pictured a perfect scenario with the WIL. A Sunday afternoon in the fall, us together. Having drinks, making love, holding each other, laughing. Not too long after I envisioned the scenario the opportunity fell into place. I was going to be in utah on a Sunday in September and she was able to get away for a couple hours. I was so excited. I went to the gym, worked out, showered. However as I got ready a funny thing happened. My mind started to wander. I began thinking about the things I had to do the following week. It was bizarre. I was literally in my ideal scenario with the person I love and I was not staying present. I wasn’t in the moment. I quickly saw the absurdity. But only because the events of the day were so aligned with my fantasy. If not I might never had noticed my mistake. I learned my lesson that day. Don’t waste a cherished experience by not being fully present in the moment.

Sunday Afternoon

1:16pm family is here. They arrived a quarter before 10am. We went and got drive thru breakfast then went to the grocery store. The heat was already well over 100 degrees by the time we got back home. Now my wife is taking a nap in the back bedroom. The girls are watching a movie. Life feels good. Yet I have anxiety. Nothing is causing it. It is just a constant feeling. If I meditate and focus I can imagine I am in a time share or hotel room. We are on vacation. When I think about that I can remember what it felt like to be alive. To feel highs and lows. These days my emotions are ground down. I sometimes feel frustrated but seldom feel contentment.