I can tune out thoughts of the WIL that overcome me emotionally. But she owns my feelings of love intimacy and connections. So when I am compartmentalism and not thinking of that it is fine. When it is late at night she demands my attention. And the cycle continues. If I believe she loves me I would wait for eternity for her. If I am feeling she doesn’t love me or is indifferent my soul collapses.
Being in Southern California, raising my daughter here has really been the last pillar of purpose for me. That changing dislodged the last connection. I know I need to leave but I am adrift. I need to get out to Phoenix and start working and get the fuck out of my head.
I can’t believe how close I was to moving back to utah. Not back in the emotional sense but physically back in the state. Probably best not to go back. At least for now. But bittersweet
I need to be honest. I need to ask my wife for a divorce. Let her go on with her life. I need to bless and release the WIL and honor her choice. I need to put myself out there and meet someone new. I am doing this to myself. I have tortured everyone, including me unnecessarily
mikemeyer949 