When I became a parent I was depressed. The changes in expectations and responsibility took away the activities I used to recharge my batteries. The loving relationship my wife and I shared was tossed over for a scrambling to survive coparaenting survival.
I hardened inward. No longer could I be indulgent. I stuffed my needs. The playful adventurous child inside me was exiled to protect the new child.
All that was left was this wooden caricature. What I thought represented “dad.” I was a serious, money driven and stopped at nothing. That is the role I have kept playing. Whether I liked it or not, whether I was good at it or not.
Phoenix has broken the mold. The chain of my captivity has snapped. The facade has crumbled. Anyone could see I was ill fitted to the role of ruthless blood thirst. I stubbornly acted like nothing was wrong.
My daughter is at the age where all the books she reads have the parents dying. She is finding her independence. She is discovering her adult. I am finding my child again. You are not banished any more. Come out and let me love you too.
mikemeyer949 