September 5, 2023, Tuesday evening, 7:49pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. The drive to Bakersfield was easy today, not much traffic. I wish Fridays were just as easy. Hopefully it won’t take long to return to Orange County this week. I am already grouchy and want to go home. There were a lot of issues at work. Evidently no one wanted to come back from the extended weekend. I can’t blame them, I didn’t want to work today either. Next week there is a meeting in San Diego I was thinking about attending. If I go to that I won’t come to Bakersfield. That would be nice. I think I will plan on that.

September 4, 2023, Monday night, Labor Day, 8:06pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Woke up early and worked out at the gym. I have been doing a beneficial new exercise, up/downs aka “burpees.” I do three sets of 15 plus some resistance training. The up/downs get me sweaty and exhausted, which is good. They work my core muscles that tend to atrophy from sitting in an office chair all day. After the gym I took the dog for an walk before the day got too hot. Then I came back to Dana Point, did laundry, took my daughter to a friends and went for an afternoon walk up blue lantern. At 6pm I picked my daughter up, grabbed dinner and took her home. Now it is time to wind down and mentally get ready for work. I am so freaking glad it is a short week coming up.

September 3, 2023, Sunday night, 10:58pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Had an argument with my daughter’s mom yesterday so stayed around Dana Point most of the morning. Worked out, got the mail, then did the big walk this afternoon. Picked my daughter up and drove around a little, got her a McDonald’s happy meal in lake forest. When we got back her mom asked for help disassembling the dryer as She had dropped lip gloss in the lint trap. I told her it was more complicated than my skill set but tried anyway. Ended up cutting my finger pretty bad on a jagged piece of steel. She is going to see if neighbors can help and I am going to try and avoid getting stitches. Drove to the spectrum in Irvine tonight and met someone for a drink. It was fun. Afterwards I Came home, read a little then went to bed around 8:30pm.

September 02, 2023, Saturday night, 9:09pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Watching Wyoming versus Texas Tech. It is the 4th quarter, less than a minute to go. Wyoming is up 3. Texas tech is trying to tie it. Not a bad day. Slept in this morning. Went to workout then Took the dog for a walk. came back to Dana Point around five and have been watching the game since then. Now it is tied with 40 seconds to go. It is going to overtime. Wyoming is going to lose I am sure. Still not a bad day.

September 1, 2023, Friday night, 6:53pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA. It is the 21st anniversary of the day I consider my spiritual birth. I had moved to valencia, California on Sunday, September 1, 2002. It was 2pm, I had finished unpacking and decided to go to the apartment complex gym for a workout. At this very spot on my walk over I was hit with an indescribable sensation of shear happiness that lasted five and a half years. I still consider that far and away the best of my life.

August 31, 2023, Thursday night, 7:26pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. I need to find something like being the chaplain without actually going back to being a chaplain. Something that feels challenging yet balanced. Of course the let down after my chaplain career was excruciating. Maybe I should be careful what I ask for. This job is fine. It is terrifying and exhausting. That is why I like it. Feeling like everything could implode at any moment and the rush of adrenaline when it doesn’t. I must be a little sick in the head to keep doing this but I can’t really imagine anything else.

August 30, 2023, Wednesday evening, 7:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California,USA. The Bakersfield branch is quicksand; the more I struggle the worse it gets. It is making me and my clinical counterpart look bad. We both work hard yet we lose ground every day. It sucks. I can’t wait to get out of here. Today is the 21st anniversary of when I quit chewing tobacco. I always get nostalgic around this time because it is when we moved from wyoming to Southern California the first time. Tonight I ate subway for dinner and watched Office Space on HBO.

August 28-29, 2023, written Tuesday night, 7:43, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Yesterday was a struggle. I made it to Bakersfield but had no energy. I zombied through work then slept until the last possible moment before work. The new Administrator started today. It is tiring to train someone but she will make my life easier, especially with Palm Desert being vacant again. I am staying in a new hotel this week, right behind the usual one. It is nice but, my room is by the stairwell and I hear everyone going up and down stairs. That and three people randomly decided to have a 40 minute conversation in the second floor hallway right outside my door. What the hell are they thinking? Not sure why they don’t go in their room or at least down to the lobby.

August 27, 2023, Sunday evening, 7:01pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I am not looking forward to this coming week. I am burned out. I don’t have the drive in my belly to continue on. But, I don’t know how to quit. I will go to Bakersfield and train the new director. I will figure out what needs to be done in Palm Desert. But more than anything I need to disengage for a month and reset. How get my groove again without quitting and changing jobs? I need that kind of reset without leaving everything I have built over the last year.

August 26, 2023, Saturday night, 11:31pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went for a walk and workout this morning. Hung out with my daughter this afternoon. At 7:30pm I drove to Oceanside for a date. By the time I got there she was passed out from a day of drinking with friends. So I turned around and came back to Dana Point. I have been home drinking beer and watching Diners, Drive Inns, and Dives. For the remainder of the night.