June 4, 2023, Sunday evening, 6:47pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. Drove into palm Desert on Sunday to be in the office first thing tomorrow morning. We are borrowing staff from another branch and have new employees starting. I needed to be here to get everything ready. I will stay tomorrow night then head to Bakersfield for the remainder of the week. I don’t mind traveling on Sunday. It is much more relaxing to drive without my phone constantly ringing. And I already took care of payroll for tomorrow so I can relax a little Monday morning.

June 3, 2023, Saturday night, 11:54pm, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went to see The Boogeyman movie this afternoon. Also worked out, walked, took the dog for a walk, drove to get breakfast with my daughter and ran errands. Had late dinner with daughter and her mom before heading back to Dana Point.

June 2, 2023, Friday night, 10:09pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went to see the new Spider-Man film with my daughter tonight. The movie was long, but overall a good experience. Watching it made me miss the little kid in me. The one that loved superheroes, summer vacation and daydreaming. He is gone now, almost completely cramped out by an adult lacking imagination. That makes me sad. I have lost so much in life, including the loss of past selfs. Most of the time I accept it. But every now and then I find myself mourning who I was and never will be again.

June 1, 2023, Thursday night, 7:09pm, pacific standard time, resort hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. Watching game one of the basketball finals tonight. Spent the day at the office with the phones ringing constantly. We are short a couple staff members so, lots of demands, threats and complaints. Customer service issues are never fun but, we were able to resolve most of the issues. I have a pretty good plan going forward so this won’t happen again.

May 31, 2023, Wednesday evening, 7:45pm, pacific standard time, resort hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. Getting up everyday for ten hours of work is hard. I usually don’t hit my stride until 9am. After that, I am leveled up and good to go. The problem is the moment the heat subsides my guard lets down and stress sets in. Like residual vapors from an overheated engine I can’t clear the system. My diaphragm clenches up and my throat burns with acid. It takes a long time to gear down and relax. Of course that is the moment an email, phone call, text cranks it all back up and starts the vicious circle once again.

May 30, 2023, Tuesday night, 7:07pm, pacific standard time, resort hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. I feel guilty if I am not stressed. There is always something more to do. Always a task left undone. Always other people feeling overwhelmed. If I take time off, let my guard down or relax then I am not doing my part. So I keep driving myself into the ground, taking on more work and failing to rest. This is why I burn out, I don’t know how to set boundaries.

May 29, 2023, Monday night, 7:07pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA, Memorial Day. Walk and workout in the morning. Picked up breakfast with my daughter. Went to a movie with her, her friend and her mom in Laguna Niguel. Got back to Aliso Viejo at 4:30pm. The weather was cool so I walked the dog to the park and back. Now I am in Dana Point doing laundry then heading to bed.

May 28, 2023, Sunday night, 7:21pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went for a walk and workout this morning. Spent time in Aliso Viejo with family. The weather in Orange County was cool and overcast so I was able to rake another walk with the dog in the afternoon. Later, my daughter and I picked up her friend up for a sleep over. We stopped by the store to buy snacks before heading home. Now I am in Dana Point reading and watching videos.

May 27, 2023, Saturday night, 10:05pm, Pacific Standard Time, apartment in Dana Point, California,USA. Work was busy today. The first day of a three holiday weekend, with most staff off and out of town. Not an ideal situation. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter. The Palm Desert branch as a whole is going through a transformational phase at the moment. Employees are leaving, checking out, and/or burning out. I understand. I am going through it myself. Thankfully, there is new staff starting the week after next and the new director is coming on board the following week. We also have a plan to address weeknight and weekend coverage. Of course, a plan doesn’t help right now. It is going to be stressful (even more so than usual) for a little while. Time to take a deep breath and remember, everything will be alright.

May 26, 2023, 7:13am, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. I am not going into the office this morning. I will do my morning calls from the hotel then head to Orange County. If I don’t set boundaries for myself no one will. Going into the office for two hours on Friday causes me stress, and it generally is not productive. The interview yesterday went alright. There are a couple things I could have articulated better but, overall it was fine. Fact is, they need me in the role more than I need the promotion. That is such a unique way to feel. Usually when I interview the desire for a steady paycheck supersedes all other concerns.