December 21, 2023, Thursday evening, 8:43pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I emailed the apartment complex yesterday, they said my balance was paid and they don’t use that collection agency. I researched the number that called me. They seem legitimate. After calling and leaving a message I didn’t hear back. The whole thing is weird. Otherwise, I stayed in Palm Desert last night and worked in the office until two then came home. Had a quick dinner with mom, took my daughter to in and out, then came back and finished laundry. Tomorrow we go to valencia for two nights to celebrate the Holiday with my daughters moms family.

December 20, 2023, Wednesday morning, 8:47am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Victorville, California, USA. Got a call from a debt collection agency this morning. They said I had a debt with the apartment complex in Chandler. I am heartbroken. I loved living there and the last correspondence I had from them said I did not owe anything. Why they would turn it over to a debt collection agency and not reach out to me directly hurts. I am having a hard time reconciling my happy memories with the frustration I feel.

Decmeber 19, 2023, Tuesday morning, 6:10am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Victorville, California, USA. I really don’t have to go to an office this week. Nor do I have to arrive at a set time. Which begs the question; what do I do with my free time? From the end of March to the middle of October I was stressed by work and having to be in an office 8-5. Since filling the Bakersfield and Palm Desert jobs I have more flexibility. That leeway has made me feel something I haven’t for a while, boredom. Lately, I have been going to the office just to do something rather than not. I guess it is good to get perspective and re-charge. And it is nice to feel bored every now and again.

December 18, 2023, Monday night, 7:26pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Victorville, California, USA. The company I work for changed travel vendors. They also changed preferred hotel chains. Now we use Hilton instead of Marriott. I don’t mind, I like Hilton better, but I will lose my Marriott ambassador elite status next year and I am staying at a new hotel in this area. Which is good. The hotel I a lot nicer. I Spent this evening talking on the phone with someone I just met online. We talked for over an hour. Not sure if it will lead to anything but it was nice to be social. I don’t usually like to talk on the phone and when I do conversations are relatively short. Lastly, my Mom is at the apartment in Dana Point and doing well. she went to dinner with my daughter and her mom. Now I am watching the eagles v Seahawks on Monday night football before going to bed.

December 17, 2023, Sunday night, 8:18pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I realize this is as good as it ever will get. I will never reach a point where everything is balanced. If I have a job or don’t I will long for the opposite. If I live in a certain place I will miss somewhere else. If I am with someone (romantic or otherwise) I will think about someone else. Longing for what was lost or has not yet been realized is part of the human condition. Today; Walk up Blue Lantern, workout at Planet Fitness this morning, later, mom and I went to Costco in Laguna Niguel. I got a haircut. In the afternoon we dropped my daughter and her friend off at Starbucks to study. This evening we all went to kohls for shopping and Rubios for dinner.

Decmeber 16, 2023, Saturday night, 10:11pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Flew in from Salt Lake City this morning then spent the evening decorating for Christmas. My daughter, her mom, and the dog joined mom and me at the Dana Point apartment. We got pizza from Truly pizza off Del Prado.

December 15, 2023, Friday night, 8:30pm, mountain standard time, Hyatt by the airport in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA. Came out to pick my mom up and fly back to Long Beach tomorrow. She was tired by the time I arrived so we decided to call it a night and connect in the morning. I forgot this hotel was the last place I saw the WIL over four years ago. So many different memories have happened since then. I probably wouldn’t have remembered until I glanced at the exercise room. The last time I used that gym was the morning after the night we said goodbye in October 2019. Funny how one simple thing can completely change the path of nostalgia.

December 14, 2023, Thursday night, 6:48pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Hesperia, California, USA. Drove to the Apple Valley branch this morning and spent the afternoon in the office. It was slow so I left early. I contemplated driving back to Dana Point but I already had a room reserved and I didn’t want to drive so far so I decided to stay the night here. I found out this morning Bakersfield and Visalia are again part of my territory. So much for saying good bye. Oh well, I don’t mind. I have gotten used to driving that way. Side note: the person in the room next to me just turned there tv on super loud. Maybe I should have went home!

December 12, 2023, Wednesday morning, 8:57am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California, USA. I am savoring this moment because it is a fantasy come true. When I escape to my “happy place” as it were, I imagine being a PRN hospice chaplain in Phoenix. In my dream scenario, I travel to Arizona on Monday morning, arrive late afternoon, buy groceries and settle in for the week. I work Tuesday through Thursday and travel back to Orange County on Friday. On days I work I would have 2 or 3 patient visits with plenty of free time in between and be home at a decent hour. That is what I envision when I am stressed at my job. This morning I have that except for a couple tweaks. I am in Palm Desert rather than Phoenix. I have a quality presentation at 2:30 and an interview at 4. Neither of which are more stressful than a patient visit. I came here on Monday and am working three days then heading home. The point is I would feel the exact same way in my imaginary scenario as I do now. I truly know what it feels like to experience my dream come true.

December 12, 2023, Tuesday evening, 6:31pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. I went back and read old posts from this time two years ago when I was an Executive Director in Arizona. I remember October-December 2021 as being the happiest time of that year. I can’t stop thinking about the last line of that post. Turns out I was right except for it is two years later instead of one.