6:16pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, January 6, 2023. Since I can remember my sole focus in relationships has been pleasing others. That is, trying to make people like me by being agreeable. While positivity is commendable, I wonder; was I ever anything more than inoffensive? Did I provide value to those that encountered me on the road of life? If I am honest, the answer is “No.” I didn’t know who I was, my sense of self was not defined. Consequently, I feared being exposed as an imposter if someone got too close or asked too many questions. I don’t feel that way any more. Recently, I started my third year as a director and leader. Now I provide considerable more value in relationships because I am consistent, direct and knowledgeable. I appreciate who I was in the past but I enjoy even more who I am in the present.
Getting serious about the move
6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, January 5, 2023. Time to start getting serious about the move to California. I need to establish residency for my drivers license renewal so I booked an apartment tour this coming Saturday in Lake Forest. I don’t know much about the area other than it seems nice and is close to my daughter and her mom without being too close. Besides, I won’t be there very often what with traveling for work and all. I can’t believe how much things have changed recently. Not even two years ago I knew nothing about Arizona or what job I would have. Now, that time is coming to an end.
My left shoulder
6:28pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Wednesday night, January, 4, 2023. Two months ago I slept wrong and hurt my left shoulder. It hasn’t been right since. The range in motion is limited and everyday activities, like driving and typing, make it ache. I remember years ago a work colleague told me he dislocated his shoulder sleeping. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t think that was possible. Now I understand completely. Getting old is no fun.
Re-commit to grow
6:20pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Tuesday evening, January 3, 2023. Worked with the marketing team this afternoon to identify opportunities for new business. It has been a neglected part of our operation the past two months. We just haven’t had adequate staff to take new referrals so we stopped reaching out to key customers. However now, after two good hires, things are looking up. We can look to grow again. It takes a certain mindset to grow. First, you have to have tenacity to generate business. Second, you need creativity to sheperd that business onto service. Finally, you have to have skill to provide the proper level of care once they come onboard. If a component is missing the business fails. Now is the time for us to re-commit our efforts and get the machine working properly again.
The donut hole in happiness
2:34pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday afternoon, January 2, 2022. There is a donut hole in my quest for happiness. When I avoid work, stress-free mornings are followed by tediously empty afternoons. However, embracing challenge means my free time is pervaded with unmanageable anxiety. Avoiding work causes existential angst, embracing it means crippling pressure. I try to find balance but, in reality, I am not sure it is possible. No matter what, there will always be something missing. It is best to accept the situation and make peace with the vacancy, whatever form that may be.
New Year’s Day 2023
7:22pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Sunday night, January 1, 2023, New Year’s Day. Stayed up until after midnight last night to celebrate the new year with family. We had a fun time playing board games, listening to music and watching firework displays across the country. This morning I woke up later than usual and went for a short walk. It rained heavily last night so both the dog and I were soaked when we got home. Not much happened other than I watched a movie, picked up dinner and ran errands with my daughter. Not an overly ambitious start to the year but a good day nonetheless.
New Year’s Eve 2022
6:25pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Saturday evening, December 31, 2022, New Year’s Eve. The weather has been foggy and rainy all day. I drove I’m from Palm Desert this morning then picked up my daughter to visit friends in San Juan Capistrano. Afterwards we picked up dinner and settled in to celebrate the new year. My daughter is playing a game on her tablet and I am watching football. Time will tell if we have enough energy to see midnight.
Friday night in Palm Desert, California
5:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Friday night, December 30, 2022. Left the office and returned to the hotel. Usually I go back to Orange County Friday afternoon or late morning but, with no other staff available I stayed until closing. Next week a regional colleague will be on site. However, she does not arrive until Tuesday afternoon and leaves early Thursday so I will be in Palm Desert again for five nights next week. It is strange to be here on Friday but, it is better than hurrying home just to turn around again. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow, working out, and enjoying the free hotel breakfast before going to spend the new year with my daughter.
The hi-desert
7:05pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, December 29,2022. Made a trip to the “hi-desert” this morning. That is the area in San Bernardino county where Joshua Tree National Park is located. I needed to get paperwork signed for two nurses and rather than have them come to the office I agreed to meet them up there. My motives were twofold; to get their signatures and to see the area. The hospice has patients up there and I was curious to see what it was like. The drive took 45 minutes and was enjoyable. The weather was much cooler and it had just rained. I don’t get out of the office very often so it was nice to have some time to relax and just be.
Just a day at work
6:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Wednesday night, December 28, 2022. Not much to report right now. Today was busy, which made time go fast. For that I am thankful. I did talk to my supervisor about taking time off next week. I am not sure what I would do with an extra day off but, it would be nice to be out of the office for a spell. I will have to make plans and come up with something fun.
