Truck sold

5:31pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Wednesday evening, July 27, 2022. Officially sold my truck this morning. It took a couple of hours to complete the paperwork but I was still able to finish before noon. After that I deposited the check and ran errands. I am sad letting go of something so meaningful but, also relieved I no longer have two vehicles.

Starting to get lonely

7:40pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Tuesday night, July 26, 2022. Took care of more HR things for the new job this morning which, was actually nice to do. It feels good to be wanted for a change. Side note: I never heard back from the Rancho Cucamonga group; Not since I accepted the job nor when I rescinded my acceptance. Probably for the best that didn’t work out. This week I am getting ready for the family to visit starting Saturday. This afternoon I went to the store and bought new beach towels for everyone to use at the pool. I am excited to have a full house with the girls and the dog. Being alone is starting to get lonely.

Living situations

5:20pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Sunday evening, July 24, 2022. Discussed living situations with my daughter’s mom yesterday. Nothing definitive was decided. She is going to stay in Dana Point until January and I still have the apartment in Chandler until March. That buys us time to discern the best course of action. I will start my job next month and see what the travel schedule looks like before making a final decision.

Waiting for the key

5:40pm, pacific standard time, Dana Point, California, USA, Saturday evening, July 23, 2022. Drove to Orange County this morning to go to the beach with my daughter and some friends. After a long hot day we arrived home to a locked door. We are sitting outside, waiting for the key.

Potential for a bright future

5:05pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Friday evening, July 22, 2022. There has been minimal response to my “truck for sale” ad so I drove to a dealer for an offer. It came in pretty low. Nonetheless, I think I am going to take it. My goal is not having to register and insure the truck any more, rather than make money. On a professional note; I was offered the Executive Director Specialist role. Not only is it a better job but, the base pay and bonus potential is higher. Things are moving fast in my world, with lots of potential for a bright future.

I am a calming influence

6:34pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Thursday evening, July 21, 2022. A couple of weeks ago I wrote two questions on an index card; who am I? And, What do I want? The idea came from listening to a speech on finding purpose in life. The speaker noted we often limit thinking about our path in life to narrow parameters, without fully exploring what we want. In order to find purpose we must first find our identity. I wrote the questions with a thick marker and placed the card in the console of my car. I could see it as I drove and reflected on the questions but couldn’t articulate an answer until now. Here it is; I am a calming influence in the world and I want to share that with others. I have known that since I worked as a chaplain and now I have reclaimed it. No matter what I do going forward that will always be my guiding energy.

The truck

6:00pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Wednesday evening, July 20, 2022. I listed my truck for sale this morning before taking it to a car wash for a deep clean and shine. There have been no responses to the ad yet, but I will sell it one way or the other before too long. That is a hard thing to say. I have owned the truck for over 12 years, the longest of any vehicle in my life. But I can’t keep it. I don’t want to insure it, nor do I want to take it back to California and re-register it. However, letting it go will be sorrowful. In many ways the truck has been a comforting touchstone of the past. Ten years ago we took a family vacation to South Dakota in it. At that time life was violently unstable. We were moving from Utah to California and had not settled in, nor were we sure we would stay together as a family. We were strained and stressed by many issues, mostly of my doing. The truck was a self-contained safe haven; inside the cab there was no sadness, frustration or anger, just our small family, driving around Wyoming and South Dakota, dodging thunderstorms, drinking coffee and enjoying being together. Alas, nothing lasts forever. After a week the vacation was over and life went on. To the point where now the truck is old and needs significant repairs (kind of like our marriage?) I guess eventually that is how everything goes; at some point you have to say good bye and realize, no matter what, all good things come to an end.

The truck, in Dana Point, California, 2021

Owe it

4:42pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Tuesday afternoon, July 19, 2022. Had a second interview this morning for the specialist position in California. It seemed to go really well. They are going to make a hiring decision at the end of this week. If I am chosen that gives me enough time to inform the Rancho Cucamonga group I changed my mind. I don’t like going back on my commitment but, the specialist job is better on many levels; financially, personally and professionally. I owe it to my family and myself to move forward if given the opportunity.

Ready

7:08pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Monday night, July 18, 2022. Spent time working on the article this morning. I like how it is going. It has brought clarity to many aspects of my life. Now the task will be to make it meaningful for a larger audience. This afternoon I bought some vitamins, then went grocery shopping. I believe I am ready to go back to work. The time off has been nice but, I need more structure, and things to do.