3:42pm, in my office, Arizona, Monday afternoon. The sky is a little overcast and the weather is cool for Phoenix (upper 70’s) We made it to the casino last night but didn’t win anything. We still had a good time. I got to the office early today. Traffic was light and work has been slow. It is still just me and one assistant in the office today however she noticed a flat on her car so she left to get it serviced. So far I have successfully fielded phone calls and inquiries.
Hole-in-the-rock
1:31pm, apartment in Arizona, Sunday afternoon. We hiked Papago Park this morning, up to Hole-in-the-rock. The path was short (0.3 miles) but uneven and crowded. My 79 year old mother said she liked the challenge but it was probably too dangerous. “All’s well that ends well,” she quoted. After we cooled off and drank water we grabbed fresh fruit at the store and had lunch. Now we are resting with the ambitious hope of hitting the casino up the road this evening.
Saturday
13:35pm, apartment, Saturday afternoon. My mom and I ran errands around town this morning. It is the weekend before thanksgiving so it was busy. She wanted to get me some groceries and paper products, typical staples I need for the house but haven’t gotten in a while. She enjoys shopping and I of course am thankful for the gesture and getting to spend time with her. While we were at the store I remembered an item my daughter requested for Christmas a couple of weeks back. On a whim I looked for it and it was a good thing I did. The store did not have it in stock. I checked online for another location nearby and realized it is becoming scarce. Apparently this particular item is nearly sold out within a 20 mile radius and I imagine will be very hard to find by next weekend. I ended up ordering one at a store west of town. After resting we are going to go pick it up then grab some dinner.
Friday
3:42pm Friday afternoon, office in Phoenix. This afternoon many visitors came to the office. The regional team stopped by on their way to Tucson from up north. Originally they were going to stay until three but left at 2. It is Friday afternoon so I don’t blame them for leaving early. After they were gone a nursing assistant, nurse practitioner and registered nurse came in, one after the other. I invited each of them to come in because I had things to discuss about future assignments. The meetings went well and I felt they were mutually beneficial. Now the office assistant and I are working on new referrals and closing out payroll. It is going slow because the two other staff members usually in the office Friday afternoons are out sick.
Never enough
9:11am in my office, Phoenix, Thursday morning. I always have an undefined feeling of need for something more. a better job, a bigger house, more money, more fame, more love etc. That need remains undefined precisely because I can never fill it. There isn’t a final destination, or even a next step, there is only occasional accomplishments; vague notions I moved forward or got better in some way. They are usually not even tangible or measurable. It could be a job seemed more rewarding than the previous one. Or my base salary increased slightly. Perhaps a new living situation featured an amenity others did not. Whatever the case I scramble to appease that which can not be appeased. My life is simply trying to find peace in an existence of unrest.
Wednesday afternoon
3:49pm in the office, Wednesday afternoon. I am busy at work figuring out schedules, contracts and payroll. I don’t mind being busy. I tend to overthink existential issues with too much downtime. My mom’s flight from Salt Lake City arrived early this afternoon. The airport is only 12 minutes from my office so I went down and picked her up. It was nice to see her again. I haven’t seen my mom since March back when she lived with me in California. We didn’t have much time to talk. As soon as we got to the car my assistant texted me. The regional team came into the office unannounced. I quickly took my mom to the apartment and rushed back to the office to meet with everyone but they had already left to go to other offices up north. They seemed thankful to get a head start so it all worked out.
November 17
11:03am, in my office, Phoenix, Wednesday morning. My mom arrives today. She is flying in from Salt Lake City. Her flight is boarding at this very moment. She gets in shortly after 1pm. I will pick her up at the airport, drop her off at the apartment then return to work. Today is also my brothers birthday. He would have been 52. The next two weeks will be nice to have company and to see my mom again.
Post purpose
8:29am, in my office, Phoenix Arizona, Tuesday morning. We have a meeting at work every other Tuesday at 9am. On those days the 8:15 morning call is canceled. I have a little more free time than usual on this morning, which is why I am posting now. My approach to writing recently has been to chronicle activities. I realize I don’t care so much for insight as much as I want to know what I was doing on a particular day. I want to recall where I was, who I interacted with how it made me feel. I want to use this space to remember time and place.
Utah
6:28pm, Arizona apartment, Monday evening. Will I always be haunted by Utah? It has been so long since I lived there, even longer since being the chaplain, yet it haunts every thought I have. I am not sad but it is frustrating. I can’t go back and I can’t move forward. Utah is a gift and also a curse.
Back in Arizona
7:45 pm, apartment in Arizona, Sunday evening. I am back in Arizona after a weekend in Orange County. I got a late start this morning and hit traffic just outside the city so it was dark when I arrived back at my apartment. After eating dinner and unpacking the car I started a load of wash and put away groceries. Now I am checking emails and charging my phones. I plan on going to bed early to get rested for tomorrow. This will be the last week corporate support people will be at the office Monday through Friday. I appreciate the help but it is stressful having to explain everything and learn new systems.
