5:43am Friday morning. I came to realize I was in the system, a flow that shaped my existence. Whether contrived or natural I did not know. All I knew was my place and interaction with the system up until now. In my youth I was languidly passive . I wanted experiences. I partook in the rituals the system offered. Sports, dates, school, jobs, vacations. As I became older I vowed to conquer the system. To find one thing I excelled at and to rise to the top of my game. But now I realized I was not going to conquer anything. And with that what was I to do? Then it came to me. What my purpose was. All my frustration led to this moment. I was to cleanse the system. Not all of it, but the one piece I could. The one representative of my failure. I may not conquer the system but I can do my part to remove a malignancy. And wasn’t that a beautiful purpose in and of itself?

Thursday morning 5:31am. Did I spend most of my life anxious, worried, wondering what I was missing, what I didn’t have, when I should have been enjoying what was right in front of me? All the peace I ever felt was when I existed in a moment. When a specific time and place shone so bright it blocked my overactive mind from wandering. Should I search for circumstance that affords me such happiness? Can I control my thoughts and make any situation so pure? Or is there only divine convergence of situation and person that creates such a thing? Perhaps beautiful moments exist only because some ethereal being loves me, wants me to be happy and grants me a time when all feels right with the world.