4:54pm going to dinner tonight as a family. Then shopping at the mall.
Lead and Lag
11:27am sheer volume of content equals consistency. Consistency leads to focus. Volume, consistency, focus. All three are lag measures. opening up WordPress everyday, typing my fleeting thoughts is the lead measure
Check in
11:02am in the pool area again. The girls like swimming. It is a little overcast. Keeps the heat down. I don’t have anything to say. Just checking in
On a roll
7:54am this last week WordPress informed me I have made 1,000 posts. They also keep track of how many days in a row I have posted. I am up to 173. while I was walking the dog this morning I thought about my audience. Which is me. I am the audience that reads these posts. What do I find interesting? What posts do I read? Which ones do I glance over? I usually read the ones about relationships. The WIL. My daughter. Coming to terms with my marriage.
Don’t go back
6:38am I don’t want to go back to how I was living prior to my family coming out. I am thankful for the last three months. How I settled in after the move. But I want a different energy going forward. A new me for the 2nd half of the year.
Friday night
10:03pm I get mad at myself when I write lot of posts in one day. I don’t get upset for writing down my thoughts. I appreciate the continuity when I go back and read them. I get mad because so many posts in one day makes it tedious when I transcribe them to a word document. I like to get through a certain number of days when I transfer the posts over for publication. If a day has many posts it takes longer to accomplish the task.
Chaplaincy
Reminds me of the life I used to live
Reprieve
6:07pm we have an admission tonight. I don’t like to celebrate the fact that someone is terminally ill but from a provider standpoint it is helpful. We need to care for patients or we cannot serve our mission. I am sitting outside a pancake house.m, waiting to pick up dinner. That was the consensus choice. Overcast sky. Looks like a nice cooling rain storm possible. It is still 103 degrees.
Funk
3:51pm went to the facility to get the contract signed. The administrator wasn’t there. Talked to a nurse. She was rude and wouldn’t sign the form. A nice cap to an emotional week. The last three weeks have been a downer. I am in a funk. I don’t feel optimistic.
Take the “L”
1:14pm I left the office to go visit a facility. I am going to get a contract updated. I needed to get out of the office and interact with someone. When I left I realized I had a big yogurt stain in the crotch of my pants. Not a good look. I just pulled in to my apartment complex. I will go change then head out. Elaborating more on living in my head; social interactions, business meetings, dating. In my mind I am amazing and successful at these things. In reality I feel inadequate. I don’t do good in those settings. In my mind I am a winner. In real life I feel defeated. I take the “L.” I stay in my mind because there I always have the answer. In my mind I am charismatic. In my mind I am a better version of me.
