6:53pm going to bed early. It has been a lazy day.
Future
9:10am I am excited for the future. I never got to be happy as a father. Before my daughter was born I began grieving the loss of the chaplain, time with the WIL. When my daughter was a year old our marriage was wounded. All my happy memories were before my daughter was born. We haven’t had the “good” time of her life yet. There are good memories but not an overall good time. My wife and I have struggled. This morning I found hope. Hope that the time off happiness as a parent is in the offing. Just as the time of happiness before I was a parent eventually came as the chaplain in utah. I am ready to embrace happiness. Love. Family.
Nouwen quote preaching
6:20am Sunday “…preaching means more than handing over a tradition; it is rather the careful and sensitive articulation of what is happening in the community so that those who listen can say: “You say what I suspected, you express what I vaguely felt, you bring to the fore what I fearfully kept in the back of my mind. Yes, yes- you say who we are, you recognize our condition…””
Henri J. M. Nouwen, the wounded healer, pg 39
improve
5:55am yesterday was difficult at work. After a nights sleep I realize as the leader we will use the experience to get better. We will improve. It is the opportunity to reach the next level. Change does not happen without pain.
Friday night
7:30pm Friday. Grabbed pizza on way home. Rough day. Leaving it in the past. Ready to go to bed and sleep it off
New perspectives
5:42am Friday. There are many ways I looked at life events the past 14 years that have been negative. I could not appreciate what I had because I grieved other things that I had lost. Moving to Arizona has changed my perspective. I am more focused on work. I have an identity as a boss, leader, captain. I have a healthier understanding of relationships. I appreciate being a parent. I am in a happy place. I am blessed. I am thankful for personal growth. I am thankful for the release of emotional frustration.
Night
8:30pm feels so late but not really. I have been going to bed later. Nothing to add. Just checking in
thursday morning
6:10am This morning feels like a Friday. In a good mood. looking forward to going to work. being a leader. The captain.
Wednesday night
7:29pm a referral came in late afternoon. Pt at hospital. Intake left a message for family. Expectation to admit tomorrow. I could have left it at that. But I am aware of my audience. My time on stage. Hospice is it. I went to the hospital. Met with the patient. Family was gone. Talked to the nurse. It wasn’t time consuming. I made the right choice. It disrupted my routine but I am better for it.
Energy shift
8:53am my energy has shifted. I have shed “sales” mindset. The desperate frustration. I am an expert in hospice. I solve issues, help people
