7:55am the inner person is vibrant, confident, deep thinking. He has a million thoughts, hopes and dreams. The outer me is shallow. He goes to bed alone. He wakes up alone. He seldom interacts with anyone or shares a thought before arriving at work. He does not have deep conversations with people. No one knows his hopes, dreams, ideas, plans. Only I know the inner me. My most intimate relationship will always be with a voice inside my head.
Friday
6:13am I am the captain. I do not focus on despair, fear or counting days. I am paid to deal with problems that naturally occur in business. I am successful. I am dedicated.
Tmi
8:13pm I didn’t sit in my office chair very often today at work. The constipation was a little better. Sitting in the chair + Arizona heat is too much. Side note: work SUCKS. Not for usual reasons like previous nine jobs. I am sick of the ineptitude of my team and the entitlement of our referral sources. I need a vacation
Stay focused
10:48am stay focused. Confident. Assured. Positive. Captain. Leader. Champion
Mortality
5:27am Thursday. I don’t know if I can be honest. Weird post: I am dealing with constipation. It has been a week. It scares me. My dad died of a bowel obstruction. I am feeling mortal
Nouwen quoting Rogers
Nouwen quotes psychologist Carl Rogers on Pg 74 of The wounded Healer; “…that what is most personal and unique in each one of us is probably the very element which would, if it were shared or expressed, speak most deeply to others.” On Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers, p 26
Frustrated with team
5:47am after a good start to the week I had an anxiety attack yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t associated any event. I just went to work after lunch and was in a terrible mood. I don’t want to own negative energy. I am frustrated with the performance of my team. As a leader I need to improve their performance or replace them. I am not doing my job by allowing it to continue
Extreme Grouchy
2:08pm at the office. I got into an extremely grouchy mood all of the sudden. I locked myself in my office at work. I probably shouldn’t interact with people. I am in a bad mood
Contradiction of goals
7:27am in car, getting ready to drive to work. I say I want to achieve results but really I want peace of mind. I say I want to be known but I crave anonymity. Peace of mind and anonymity are dominant desires. I keep getting the same results. But I keep striving for being known and getting results.
Transcend
6:15am I am transcendent. I embody happiness and peace. Security, wealth, prosperity
